


To Find A Home - Book Two

by Kalliria



Series: To Find A Home [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-12-19 09:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalliria/pseuds/Kalliria
Summary: Y/N's friends are missing and the Grounders want her head. Welcome to season 2 of the 100.





	1. Chapter 1

I woke up to pain, darkness and the smell of burnt flesh. I couldn’t move. There was dirt everywhere, on my face, in my mouth, under my clothes. I didn’t dare open my eyes. Something heavy was pressing on my wounded thigh, a rock maybe, or perhaps it was the beam I had kicked. My entire leg was numb and I wondered if the pressure was what had kept me from bleeding out.

I couldn’t hear anything except my own harsh breathing and the sound of my heart hammering in my chest. No screams, no voices, no footsteps…nothing. It was as if the whole camp was deserted.

I could feel the weight of my bow and quiver on my back, and the familiar shape of my dagger on my hip. I drew courage from the presence of my weapons. At least, I wasn’t completely defenseless.

I had to get out of there. I had to find my friends, to make sure they were alive.

I pushed against the dirt, whimpering as pain reverberated in my bones, and managed to shift it enough to give me some space, although it wasn’t much. I slipped off my shirt with some difficulty, leaving me in a simple tank top, and put it over my head, so I wouldn’t suffocate on loose earth.

Next, I had to free my leg. I dug through the dirt until I grasped what seemed to be the beam, and I pushed. I couldn’t help the scream that tore from my mouth. My leg, who had been numb just a second ago, was now in burning agony. I could feel blood flow from the wound again. With a whimper, I pushed the beam the rest of the way.

I had to go back the way I came from. That was the closest path to the surface. Turning around wasn’t easy, but my longing for fresh air and freedom was stronger than anything. I clawed, and pushed, and fought my way through the earth. I was almost there, I could feel the air on my face and-

A hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I screamed, terror flooding through my system. The hand tugged as I cried out, trying to break free, but it was relentless. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I felt the wind on my skin. I was pulled the rest of the way by strong arms, and I kicked and screamed, desperate to free myself. The shirt was torn from my face, but the light was too much for my eyes and I couldn’t see much more than blurry shapes.

‘Let me go!’ I yelled, my voice rough from unused and stale air. I aimed a punch at the person holding me, but he or she evaded easily.

‘Y/N! Damn it, it’s me!’

I froze. I knew that voice.

‘Bellamy?’

My eyes finally adjusted to the light and I saw Bellamy’s face, bloody and beaten. His eyes were wild, a storm of emotions I couldn’t decipher raging in them. His hand brushed the dirt of my eyes, my cheeks, my hair. I couldn’t move, could barely breathe. Bellamy.  _Bellamy was here_.

His eyes slid from my face to my body, his frown deepening as he took in each cut and bruise. When they finally settled on my thigh, however, he swore.

‘Is she alright?’

My head snapped up, and I noticed there were other people there. Finn was one of them, looking almost as battered as Bellamy, as well as two men wearing guard’s uniform. That’s when I remembered the Ark had fallen from the sky. I had assumed it was accidental.

‘She’s hurt,’ Bellamy told them. ‘I’m taking her to Dr. Griffin.’

Clarke’s mother was alive? She was supposed to be on the dropship that crashed days earlier, along with my father.

Bellamy pulled me up, securing an arm around my waist. I found I could walk, if not very fast. The guards came along, guns held tightly between their hands. I couldn’t help but gasp as I saw the camp. All our hard work, the product of our tears and our sweat, was gone. No tents, no cabins, no laughing teenagers. There was only ash and dust, broken skeletons scattered around the ground.

‘Where are the others?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Bellamy answered with a frown. ‘Finn and I weren’t inside the dropship. I thought they’d be here.’

What had happened? Raven’s plan had worked, I had seen it with my own eyes. And if some of the Grounders had survived, there wouldn’t have been enough of them to hurt our friends. So where were they?

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps coming towards us. I raised my head, looking at the newcomer. And my heart stopped.

‘Dad?’

The man looked at me and I sobbed as I recognized my father. He didn’t hesitate. In two steps, he had his arms wrapped around me and was saying my name over and over again.

‘You were dead,’ I protested, my voice breaking pitifully. ‘I saw the wreckage.’

‘No, Y/N,’ he replied, pulling away slightly so he could look me in the eyes. ‘I was never in the dropship.’

‘I was so scared,’ I said and for a second, I felt like a child again, desperate for my father’s comfort. He pulled me back in his arms, one of his hands stroking my hair as I cried. I don’t know how long we stayed like this. Finally, I felt sane enough to pull away and offered my father a watery smile.

I had him back. My father, the most important person in my life, was alive and on the ground, with me. The world suddenly didn’t seem so scary.

‘Wait here,’ My father told us and without any explanation, he disappeared back inside the dropship. I exchanged a puzzled look with Bellamy and Finn, wondering what was happening.

We had our answer when my father came out again. He wasn’t alone.

‘It was awful,’ Murphy was saying as he limped out of the dropship, an arm over my father’s shoulder. ‘It was awful. There were hundreds of them. If it wasn’t for Raven… Ungh. I don’t know what happened.’

Once again, I was surprised at just how much I hated Murphy. My blood was boiling, and I didn’t even want to think about what Bellamy was feeling. His face was completely blank but there was fury in his eyes.

‘Bellamy,’ Murphy stammered. ‘You’re, uh…you’re alive.’

Before any of us could react, Bellamy was yelling and had launched at Murphy. He shoved him to the ground, his hands around his throat.

‘You murdering son of a bitch!’ Bellamy shouted.

‘Stop!’ My father yelled as Bellamy punched Murphy repeatedly.

‘This is for Raven!’

A guard stepped up and shocked Bellamy with his stun baton. Bellamy collapsed, gasping at the pain and I saw red. Shoving the guard away, I fell to my knees besides Bellamy. I ignored the pain in my leg and helped him sit up.

‘Place him under arrest,’ I heard my father order.

‘Stay back,’ I said darkly to the guards.

‘Y/N, move aside.’

I shot my father a glare and he recoiled.

‘You don’t understand,’ Finn said. ‘Murphy murdered two of our people. He shot another one. He tried to hang Bellamy, took Y/N captive!’

‘I don’t care. You are not animals. There are rules. Laws. You are not in control here anymore.’

‘Dad,’ I said, trying to placate him, ‘we’ve been living alone on a hostile planet with savages trying to kill us for weeks. Rules weren’t a priority, and it’s going to take some time for us to get used to them again. Bellamy made a mistake, but I’ll vouch for him. The woods are dangerous, you’d be putting him and everyone else in danger by keeping him handcuffed. Please.’

My father considered it, looking at Bellamy, Murphy and me in turns. He finally nodded, but he didn’t look pleased.

Two other guards came out of the dropship, carrying a stretcher. Raven was lying on it, unconscious. She looked half-dead, her skin pale, her clothes stained with blood.

‘She’s lost a lot of blood,’ Dr. Griffin said as she came out of the dropship. ‘It’s a miracle that she’s still alive. There’s no one else in there.’

My last remaining hope fell. Clarke, Jasper, Amara…my friends were gone. Had Grounders taken them captive? It didn’t make sense, but it was the only explanation I had.

‘Where’s Octavia?’ I asked Bellamy, remembering I hadn’t seen the younger Blake in the battle.

‘She was injured,’ he answered me, jaw clenching. ‘The Grounder, Lincoln, he took her away, to a place she could get help.’

I took his hand, holding it tightly just like I’d done when she went missing. It seemed like such a long time ago. Dr. Griffin approached us, a kind smile on her face.

‘Hello, Y/N,’ she said. ‘Remember me?’

‘Dr. Griffin,’ I replied. ‘Of course.’

‘Call me Abby. Why don’t you sit down so I can take a look at that leg?’

Bellamy helped me to a boulder, and I winced as Abby widened the cut in my jeans so she could examine the wound. She cleaned the blood and dirt with water, frowning.

‘Did you stitch this up?’ she asked.

‘Clarke did it. They tore during the battle.’

Abby hummed, but her eyes were sad and distant. No doubt she was thinking about her daughter. I felt I should have spoken to her, if only to bring her some comfort, but what was I supposed to say? She disinfected the wound and stitched it back up, bandaging it as well for good measure. She then went back to take care of Raven. Finn, a crease between his brows, approached us.

‘We’re leaving,’ he said.

‘What?’ Bellamy asked. ‘This is where they’ll come back.’

‘I don’t think they’re coming back. The Grounders took them, and you know that,’ Finn insisted as he crouched in front of us. ‘Look. We go with Kane senior to Alpha Station. We get reinforcements, weapons. Then we find our friends.’

‘My dad won’t let us leave,’ I whispered.

‘And how many more of us will be dead by then?’ Bellamy added.

Finn had no answer. He looked at Raven, worry evident in his eyes.

‘Abby says Raven needs surgery or she’s gonna die,’ he told us. ‘It’s time to go.’

And sure enough, mere minutes later, my father announced it was time to leave. We had to reach Alpha Station before nightfall. I insisted on walking there instead of being carried by a stretcher, and Abby agreed as long as I had help. I didn’t even need to ask Bellamy: he already had an arm around my waist, supporting my weight as I hobbled along the path.

Finally, after hours of trekking through the woods, the forest ended. And I froze.

It’s funny how much bigger objects seem from the outside. I had been to Alpha Station more times than I could count, but it always seemed narrow from the inside. Now, as I stared at the station, standing on the ground in a huge arch, I was in complete awe.

There were hundreds of people inside. I recognized a few faces, colleagues of my father mostly. I searched for my grandmother’s face but she was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she was inside.

Two of the guards suddenly stopped me and Bellamy, and seized him. I frowned, looking at my father. He sent me an apologetic glance.

‘It’s just until we clear the situation,’ he told me.

‘But I told you-’

‘Y/N,’ Bellamy interrupted me. ‘It’s alright. I’ll see you later.’

They took him away and I rounded on my father, furious.

‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ I snarled. ‘You’ve been here for a day, you don’t get to make the rules.’

‘I’m the Vice-Chancellor. It’s my responsibility to-’

‘This isn’t the Ark, Dad!’ I interrupted him. ‘The rules don’t apply here. Grandma knows this, she always said our society would have to be different on Earth. And you agreed with her! Where is she?’

My father didn’t reply. His expression shifted from irritation to grief as soon as I mentioned my grandmother. My heart started hammering in my chest. I didn’t need to ask. She was dead, his eyes said it as well as any word.

‘Did she suffer?’ I asked, my voice shaking.

‘No.’

It was a lie. But I was grateful for it. I expected to be heartbroken, to cry and scream. But I was strangely numb. Maybe I had already lost too many people. Maybe I just didn’t care anymore.

But mostly, I was happy she didn’t have to see what a mess Earth was. It would have broken her heart, to see humans fighting humans.

‘I brought the tree down,’ my father continued. ‘We can plant it tomorrow, if you want.’

I nodded. It would be a nice gesture. She didn’t have a grave, the tree would have to suffice. I started walking away from him, needing to be alone, but he stopped me. He seemed vulnerable.

‘I swore to myself things would be better between us if I ever made to the ground,’ he said. ‘We both made mistakes, but you’re my daughter and I love you. I want to fix it.’

‘Then you shouldn’t arrest my friends.’

He sighed, and I felt guilty. He was trying to make it right. The least I could do was meet him halfway.

‘I missed you,’ I said. ‘And I want us to reconcile as much as you do. But I’m not a child. This won’t work if you treat me like one.’

He nodded, but I wondered if he really understood. I guessed it didn’t really matter. Not yet, anyways. I had other priorities: saving my friends.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up from a well-deserved nap to the sound of gunshots. I shot up in my bed, the covers slipping from my body as I got up, wincing at the sting in my thigh. A man tried to stop me from leaving the infirmary, but I pushed past him and left the makeshift tent.

I had grabbed my bow on the way and I nocked an arrow, limping as fast as I could to the entrance of Camp Jaha. My father had just arrived with members of the guard.

‘There!’ a man said, gun held tightly in one hand as he pointed at the woods with the other. ‘They were right there!’

‘Does anyone see anything?’ A blond guard I didn’t know asked. Byrne, I think her name was.

‘Who was there?’ my father asked frantically. ‘How many? What did they look like?’

‘I don’t know,’ the man answered. ‘I’m sure I saw someone move.’

‘And you opened fire?’ Abby said, eyes widening. ‘That could’ve been the kids!’

She shot forward but my father grabbed her before she could leave camp.

‘We sweep the woods,’ he told her, before turning to the man. ‘In the meantime, who issued you that weapon?’

‘I did, sir,’ Byrne admitted.

My father, anger in his eyes, ripped the gun out of the man’s hands.

‘From now on, only members of the guard get guns,’ he said to Byrne before turning to the crowd. ‘Unauthorized use of firearms will be punishable as a felony under the Exodus Charter. Is that clear?’

The crowd murmured their assent, some less enthusiastic than others. I watched as the guards split into teams of three and went out to the woods, guns at the ready. I was almost vibrating with anticipation. I knew the chance that these were my friends was slim at best, but I couldn’t help but hope. What I wouldn’t give to see Amara again, or Clarke. Or maybe it was Octavia, healed from her battle wounds.

Thinking about Octavia brought my thoughts to her brother, who was still locked up within Alpha Station. With Murphy, no less. I had tried to visit, but my father had told every guard on the premises not to let me within ten feet of the cells.

The more time passed, the more tired I grew of his overcontrolling nature. I had thought he would be different on Earth, but for now, I saw no difference between the Marcus Kane I had known on the Ark and the one that was with me on the ground. But just because my father hadn’t changed…didn’t mean I hadn’t. I wouldn’t let him walk over me, not anymore.

I sat down on a metal crate, waiting for the guards to return with impatience. After some time, my father sat next to me, sighing.

‘It’s not easy being in charge, is it?’ I asked.

‘Someone needs to do it.’

‘But does it need to be you?’

He shot me a strange look and I held up my hands.

‘I’m not trying to start a fight, I promise. I’m just curious. Why you?’

‘I’m the Vice-Chancellor and the Exodus Charter dictates that the highest person in the hierarchy takes command until an election can be organized.’

I hummed. It sounded like bullshit to me, but I knew telling him this wouldn’t help. I tried a more tactful approach.

‘You realize your Exodus Charter won’t last, right? You’ll have to bend the rules at one point.’

‘Is this about the Blake kid?’

‘Not only. It’s about you believing the law fixes everything. It doesn’t. Most of the time, it messes things up. But I did want to talk to you about Bellamy. How long are you going to keep him locked up?’

‘Until he’s no longer a threat to others.’

‘He isn’t. He’s never been a threat to anyone but Murphy, and Murphy deserves to die.’

My father frowned, looking at me with a dismayed expression.

‘Deserved it? Y/N, he’s a kid.’

‘A kid who drove a twelve-year-old girl to suicide, shot Raven, tried to hang Bellamy and was planning to kill me. But yeah, keep believing he’s harmless.’

My father started protesting, but he was interrupting by a scream coming from the infirmary. I shivered. Abby had started operating Raven, without any anaesthesia. From what I’d heard, she had a very low chance of survival. I wasn’t the praying type, but if there was any higher power in the world, I begged them to save her. Not only because Raven was valuable, an incredibly talented engineer. But because she was my friend, and I couldn’t lose anyone else.

The guards trickled back in from the woods, empty-handed. They had found no trace of anyone and I felt disappointment wash over me. But then, we heard a scream. It wasn’t Raven, but a man, the sound coming from deep in the woods. I didn’t think. I just acted.

Grabbing my bow, I started running for the woods. My leg was burning, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared and Abby’s stitches held despite the sharp movements. My father was yelling my name behind me, thundering footsteps telling me the guards had run out too, but I didn’t slow down. I didn’t even turn back.

I entered the woods and nocked an arrow, crouching down. I couldn’t hear anything, not with the ruckus the others made as they neared me. I followed the screams, leaping across fallen branches and roots effortlessly. I had missed the woods. I was in my element there.

Finally, I climbed up a ridge and just as my father and the guards caught up to me, I saw it. Three guards were crucified to the trunk of a tree, covered in cuts and bruises. The two on the side also had spears impaled in them. Next to me, my father and the others were horrified, paralyzed by the gruesome sight.

But I was used to the Grounder’s brutality, and their fear tactics didn’t work on me anymore. I walked up to the dead guards without flinching and that’s when I noticed the one in the middle was still breathing.

‘Hey, this one’s alive!’ I shouted.

The guards rushed forward and as they cut him down, I examined the tracks.

‘There were five of them,’ I said to my father. ‘Four of them were carrying the guards, the fifth scouting ahead. There’s not a lot of blood. The two that are dead were killed somewhere else.’

My father didn’t reply and I turned, frowning. He was staring at me with a horrified expression on his face. It was as if he didn’t recognize me, and I realized what was the problem. He had expected me to be just as shocked as him, if not more. And that made me livid.

‘You still don’t understand,’ I began harshly. ‘You didn’t just send us to the ground, Dad, you sent us to Hell. We have seen things more horrifying than you could ever imagine. We have suffered, we have lost, we have grieved. You keep looking at me and expecting to see your daughter, the kid who played hide and seek on Tesla station and begged for bedtime stories. That kid is dead. You killed her when you let them put on me the dropship.’

‘Y/N, I never-’

‘I don’t care. You failed me so many times before. Don’t make that mistake again. Let Bellamy go, and send out a search party for our friends. They’re my people and I won’t abandon them. I will go after them, one way or another. I’d rather do it with your help.’

‘You will not leave this camp, nor will anyone else.’

‘Will you lock me up again?’

‘I might.’

My father was breathing heavily and so was I, fury making me blind. How dare he? How dare he look at me this way, when all I was doing was whatever I had to in order to survive. Furious, I stalked out and went back to camp. He didn’t try to stop me, or even offer to have a guard accompany me.

Monroe and Sterling saw me and I gestured at them to follow me.

‘What happened?’ Monroe asked.

‘Grounders, trying to scare us. And it worked. My father won’t send out a search party.’

‘So, what do we do?’

‘We find a way to sneak out, with Bellamy and Finn. Any news from Raven?’

‘She survived the surgery, but her leg’s messed up. If we do this, she’ll have to stay behind.’

She would hate this, I knew it, but what choice did we have? We needed to move fast and I was sure Raven would understand. Suddenly, we heard footsteps come towards us. Had someone heard us? To my relief, it was only Finn.

‘Planning an escape, uh?’ he said. ‘Good thing you’re not the only one.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Abby and some guard will help us sneak out, and give us weapons. We just have to get Bellamy.’

That was all I needed to hear. We waited until dark and came up with a plan to distract the guards. Sterling, who was one of the best actors I’d ever seen, started crying hysterically. He ran to the guards, screaming about Grounders attacking. The two men didn’t hesitate and ran out as we laughed, hidden behind some crates. As Sterling and Monroe kept watch, Finn and I entered the cell. I immediately went to Bellamy and smiled as his eyes widened.

‘Someone ordered a knight in shining armour?’ I asked with a smirk.

‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘Get up,’ Finn said. ‘We’re going after our friends.’

He broke the binding around Bellamy’s hands and I helped him up. But as we went to leave, Murphy started protesting loudly.

‘Hey, whoa, wait. What about me?’

Ignoring Finn and I shaking our heads, Bellamy cut the bindings tying Murphy to the pole, but left his hands secured together. He lifted him to his feet, shoving him harshly forward.

‘He’s coming with us.’

‘No way,’ Finn protested.

‘He’s been to the Grounders’ camp.’

‘He’s right,’ Murphy added. ‘I can take you there.’

Bellamy shot me a pleading look and I nodded. Despite how much I hated Murphy, there was no denying his knowledge would be invaluable if Grounders had taken our friends. We snuck out of camp, our escape surprisingly easy.

‘You don’t think anyone saw us?’ Bellamy asked.

‘Shh, keep it down,’ Finn replied as he led the group into the woods.

Soon after, a torch shone in my face and Abby appeared, along with a guard. Bellamy was tense next to me, until he realized they weren’t here to stop us. On the contrary.

‘You’re late,’ Abby said.

‘Bellamy decided to bring company,’ Finn explained.

‘He’s the only person that’s been in their camp.’

Abby nodded and handed a gun to Finn, along with some bullets. He put it safely in the waistline of his pants as the guard gave Bellamy a rifle.

‘Here,’ he said. ‘Find my son. His name is Nathan Miller.’

Bellamy and I exchanged a look. The last time I had seen Miller, he had an arrow sticking through his shoulder. I hoped he’d made it to the dropship.

‘Bring them home,’ Abby said.

‘We will,’ I promised and hesitated before continuing. ‘If my dad finds out you helped us…tell him I’m sorry.’

Abby nodded, and we left them, going deeper into the woods. We were going to save our friends, or die trying. The Grounders had better watch out.


	3. Chapter 3

We followed Murphy through the woods, wandering to places even I hadn’t been before. My thigh was stinging, but it was getting easier and easier to forget about the pain and keep on walking. Bellamy had been shooting me worried looks at first, noticing the slight limp right away, but he was now watching with a relieved smile as I took the head of the group.

I felt alive once more, in the woods. This was my element, the wind rustling through the leaves, the animals chirping in the bushes, the beautiful sight of thousands of trees in every direction. I wanted to hunt, but my friends were more important.

‘All right, Murphy,’ Bellamy said. ‘Where to now?’

‘What do you say we lose these first, huh?’ he replied, putting his tied hands up.

‘No. Again.’

I snorted and he sent me a glare.

‘If we get attacked, I have nothing to defend myself with.’

‘I don’t care,’ Bellamy shot back.

‘Stop asking, Murphy,’ I added. ‘It’s not gonna happen.’

Just then, Finn doubled back. I tried to protest but he cut the ties around Murphy’s wrist, ignoring me.

‘Thank you,’ Murphy drawled.

‘Shut up,’ I snapped, before hurrying to catch up with Finn and Bellamy.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ Bellamy asked.

‘It was your idea to bring him,’ Finn replied.

‘Yeah, he’s the only one who’s seen where they keep their prisoners.’

‘Then we probably shouldn’t let him be defenceless out here. We can handle Murphy.’

‘You better hope so,’ Bellamy said as Finn increased his pace.

We exchanged a tired look, which grew even more when Murphy jokingly asked if he could get a gun. Bellamy shoved him forward with a glare. We kept on walking, following Murphy’s instructions until we finally arrived at the Grounders’ village.

‘Everybody, down!’ Murphy whispered as he pushed Bellamy to the ground. The village was located in the middle of a strange metallic structure, most of it overgrown by grass and trees. There were a dozen Grounders milling around.

‘This is it,’ Murphy said. ‘Told you I’d find it.’

‘I see nothing but Grounders,’ Bellamy informed us as he looked through the scope of his rifle. ‘Our people aren’t here.’

‘Wait a minute,’ Finn said. ‘They’ve got stuff from our dropship.’

‘They could have looted it after the others were taken,’ I protested. ‘It doesn’t mean anything.’

‘Maybe,’ Bellamy admitted. ‘Or maybe they know where our friends are.’

‘Yeah, or they killed them already,’ Murphy said and I shot him a glare.

Finn was still looking through the scope of his gun and when he cursed, we all turned to look at him. There was fury on his face, something I’d never seen before with Finn.

‘The guy with the one eye,’ he said. ‘Around his neck.’

I couldn’t see anything, but Bellamy could and he frowned.

‘What am I looking at?’

‘He’s got Clarke’s watch! It was her father’s.’

‘She wouldn’t give that up without a fight,’ Bellamy said.

‘Neither will we,’ Finn added.

Monroe and I exchanged a worried glance. I wanted to find the others as much as Finn, but he seemed… almost unhinged. All I could hope for was that he wouldn’t charge in, guns blazing. We needed finesse and subtlety, not raw strength.

‘Okay,’ Bellamy whispered. ‘You’re with me. You three, stay here, out of sight. If this thing goes south, take out the other Grounders. But don’t shoot the Grounder with the watch. Copy?’

Monroe, Sterling and I nodded.

‘What about Murphy?’ Monroe asked.

‘Yeah, do I get a gun now?’ he added.

‘Something like that,’ Bellamy answered with a smirk.

He grabbed Murphy and they disappeared deeper down the woods, with Finn on their heels. Sterling sighed heavily, and the three of us focused on the other Grounders, watching intently for any sign of trouble. Soon enough, we saw the one with Clarke’s watch separate from the group. He slipped away from our sight and I tensed up, hoping the boys’ plan would go smoothly.

A branch cracked behind us and I whipped around, drawing the string of my bow. The tip of my arrow glinted in the sunlight and I recognized Bellamy, who merely rolled his eyes.

‘You gonna shoot me, Sunshine?’ he smirked. ‘I thought we were over this.’

I relaxed and punched him in the shoulder.

‘You’re an idiot. You got the Grounder?’

‘Yeah. Come on, Finn and Murphy are waiting for us.’

We crawled away from the Grounders’ village, relaxing only when we were far away that they wouldn’t even hear us if we screamed. We met with Finn and Murphy, who were waiting next to an unconscious Grounder. I approached him and crouched, studying him. I sighed as I noticed he still had his weapons on him.

‘I swear to God, I have to do everything around here,’ I muttered.

I patted him down and took away everything that could be used as weapons. I ended up with seven small knives, a dagger, a pointed stone and a wicked looking machete. Finn was tapping his foot impatiently next to me.

‘Are you done?’ he asked gruffly.

I nodded, but rolled my eyes as soon as he looked away. I was getting tired of Finn’s attitude, and from the look Monroe gave him, I wasn’t the only one. Bellamy and Sterling lifted the Grounder and we followed Finn deeper into the woods. For some time, I thought we were going back to our old camp, but Finn led us to a hatch hidden by leaves.

‘What is this place?’ Sterling asked.

‘A bunker,’ Finn answered. ‘I found it after we first landed. It’s safe.’

Bringing the Grounder down the ladder wasn’t easy, but we managed to do so without dropping him, although it was tempting. We tied him up to a chair, and Bellamy began interrogating him, but just like Lincoln had when we’d taken him captive, the Grounder wasn’t saying anything helpful.

I sat down on a bed and stretched my leg in front of me. Abby’s stitches had held up, and although the pain was diminishing with every hour, my thigh was still throbbing. Monroe handed me a cup of water and I drank gratefully as we both watched the interrogation. She seemed exhausting, her eyes red and her face pale.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked her.

‘I’m just tired. I wish the guards had come with us.’

I sighed, thinking about my father. I understood why he was wary. He had just landed on Earth, and had immediately been faced with the Grounder threat. He was scared, just like he’d been when Jasper had been taken. And I knew some part of him still saw the Hundred as a bunch of criminals. I had too, before being locked up in the Skybox. It had taken me some time, but I understood now that nothing was black of white. Everything, whether it was the Grounders, my friends or my father, worked in shades of grey. And I couldn’t – wouldn’t abandon my friends.

‘We’re gonna do this again,’ Bellamy told the Grounder, his tone dark and threatening. ‘And this time, you’re gonna stop screwing with us. Where did you find this?’

He held up Clarke’s watch, and the Grounder glared at him.

‘I told you,’ he repeated. ‘I found it outside your camp.’

‘He’s lying,’ Finn scowled as he took the watch from Bellamy’s hand. ‘She would never take it off voluntarily. Where is the girl who was wearing this watch?’

‘I never saw a girl.’

‘Another lie,’ Murphy drawled. ‘Maybe you should stop asking him nicely-’

‘Shut up, Murphy,’ Bellamy interrupted him before focusing back on the Grounder. ‘Where are our friends? You took them, we know you did. Just tell us where.’

The Grounder closed his eyes, sighing heavily. He didn’t seem in the least bit scared, and it unnerved me.

‘Murphy’s right,’ Finn said darkly. ‘We’re wasting time.’

Before any of us could react, he punched the Grounder on the side of his face, screaming at him to answer the question. Bellamy seized Finn, pulling him away.

‘Finn, stop! You don’t wanna do this. Trust me. There are some lines you can’t uncross.’

Monroe and I exchanged a heavy look. We both knew Bellamy was talking about Lincoln. I still felt guilty that I’d let Bellamy torture him. I couldn’t imagine what he was feeling. Finn turned around, and for a second, I thought he was finally calming down. But then, he whirled around and started pummelling the Grounder with his fist.

‘Where’s Clarke?’ he screamed. ‘Where is she?’

Bellamy tried to grab him once more but Finn shoved him away and pulled his gun from the waistband of his pants, pointing it at Bellamy’s face. I jumped to my feet and pulled Bellamy away, my hand clutching his shirt.

‘Put down the gun, Finn,’ Bellamy said, his tone calm.

‘Please,’ I added. ‘We’re not the enemy here.’

Finn, his eyes full of anger and madness, snarled and pointed the gun at the Grounder’s head.

‘Three seconds!’ he yelled. ‘Two! One.’

‘Okay!’ the Grounder yielded. ‘I’ll tell you. Your friends are east of here. The village where we take our prisoners of war.’

I sighed in relief. Finally, we were getting some answers. I just hoped the others were still alive, and unharmed.

‘East where?’ Finn asked. ‘How do we get to them?’

‘I can draw you a map but you should hurry, soon, they’ll outlive their usefulness.’

‘Get him something to draw a map,’ Finn ordered.

Monroe grabbed paper and a pen from a nearby table and handed it to the Grounder, her face blank. Murphy smirked as he walked to Bellamy and me.

‘You thought I was the crazy one, uh?’ he whispered.

I scowled, but Murphy had already walked away. And I couldn’t deny that his words had hit home. Something was deeply wrong with Finn. I understood he wanted to find our friends, and especially Clarke. But this was too much. Even Bellamy hadn’t been  _this_ ruthless when Octavia’s life had been in danger.

Once the Grounder finished the crude map, we studied it in silence. I’d never gone that far away from camp and the knowledge that we would be walking in there blind made me uneasy. But what choice did we have?

‘Gather up your gear,’ Bellamy ordered. ‘We’re leaving.’

‘What about him?’ Sterling asked, gesturing to the Grounder who was watching us intently.

‘For now, we leave him. We’ll deal with him when we’re done.’

‘What if he escapes?’ Murphy protested. ‘He knows exactly where we’re going.’

‘We’re not killing him!’

‘I’m not seeing another option here,’ Murphy insisted. ‘If we don’t take care of this now, this is gonna blow back on us and you know that.’

I hated that what Murphy said made sense. But he wasn’t wrong. I didn’t think killing him was the right thing do to, but leaving him alone was just plain stupid.

‘He’s unarmed,’ Bellamy said.

‘He’s a Grounder,’ Murphy shot back.

He looked at Sterling and Monroe for support, but they both stayed silent.

‘Really?’ Murphy scoffed. ‘Come on, tell him.’

‘I don’t know,’ Monroe said.

‘You don’t know what? He’s gonna tell his people everything. We’re as good as dead. Our friends too.’

‘Look, we’re not doing this!’ Bellamy snapped. ‘End of discussion. If you want him, you gotta through me.’

‘What exactly happened to you, uh? You’re talking like you’ve never killed a Grounder before.’

‘That was in battle. This would be an execution-’

Suddenly, the sound of a gunshot reverberated in the small room. I jumped, whirling around to see the Grounder falling from the chair, a hole on the side of his head. Finn was standing over him, his fuming fun still pointed at him. His face was blank, his eyes almost dead.

‘Let’s get moving,’ he said with the calmest voice I’d ever heard.

He left the bunker, grabbing the map as he passed us. The others left, but I couldn’t get my eyes off the Grounder. There was no more doubt now: something was deeply wrong with Finn and I knew that if we didn’t resolve the problem soon, it would blow back in our faces.

And considering our luck, with terrifying consequences.


	4. Chapter 4

We followed the Grounder’s map, and soon enough, left familiar woods to unknown ones. I had no idea where we were, and the more we walked, the more nervous I was. Finn was driving us at a relentless pace and we were all exhausted. Murphy was still suffering from the stab wound in his leg, and my thigh was throbbing. Even Bellamy was getting tired, but I knew he was too proud to admit it.

‘Everyone, eyes peeled,’ he said. ‘We’re in Grounder territory.’

‘Everything is Grounder territory, all right?’ Murphy snarled. ‘I can’t keep running. We don’t even know if the guy Finn killed was telling the truth.’

Finn rounded back on Murphy, grabbing him roughly and pulling him forward.

‘Keep moving,’ he ordered.

‘We can give ‘em a minute,’ Bellamy protested.

‘No, we can’t!’ Finn snapped. ‘You heard what that Grounder said: “They’ll outlive their usefulness.”

‘I heard what he said when you had a gun to his head!’

‘Look, you think I wanted to do that? He would’ve told his people we’re coming. And by the time we got there, our people would be dead. Maybe that’s something you can live with, but I can’t.’

Finn shot forward but Bellamy held him back, his eyes boring into Finn’s.

‘I know you did what you think you had to do. But you are not yourself right now and I can’t be out here with another loose cannon.’

‘You guys,’ Monroe interrupted them, staring at the path beyond with haunted eyes.

We turned, looking at where she was pointing her rifle, and I inhaled sharply as I saw a body, nearly hidden behind some bushes.

‘Fall in,’ Bellamy ordered.

We walked further down the path, tense, and saw several more bodies lying haphazardly on the ground. Some were intact, but most were broken, dried blood on their skin.

‘Where the hell did they come from?’ Murphy asked.

‘From the Ark,’ Bellamy answered.

‘He’s right,’ I said. ‘Look, this one’s wearing a guard uniform.’

What had happened there? These people had been here for days, if the insects buzzing around were any indication. The entire area stank of rotting flesh, and behind me, Sterling gagged. A part of me felt guilty that I wasn’t more shocked and horrified at seeing so many cadavers. But I was used to it, by now.

We reached the edge of a high cliff, overlooking a valley, and I gasped as I saw the wreckage of what looked to be the Factory Station. I recognized the shape of it, although it was nearly smashed to smithereens.

‘That’s a rough landing,’ Murphy said.

It was no wonder my father hadn’t been able to reach them after the Ark had separated. And it made me wonder if all the other stations had suffered the same fate. Alpha was the sturdiest, and it had barely survived. I wondered about Tesla Station. Had my childhood home been destroyed too?

‘There’s nothing we can do for these people,’ Bellamy said quietly. ‘We gotta go.’

We started walking, but suddenly, whimpers echoed through the air. I froze, listening intently. It sounded like a woman.

‘Did you hear that?’ Murphy asked, walking back to the edge. I followed and tried to find the source of the noise. Monroe spotted her first.

‘Hey, someone’s down there!’

I leaned in, careful not to lose my balance, and finally saw a girl, not much older than me. She was holding onto a branch that protruded from the cliff’s side, her feet barely able to find purchase on a small ridge. She looked exhausted.

‘Hey!’ Bellamy shouted. ‘Up here!’

‘Please, help me!’ she yelled back.

‘Mel?’ Sterling called with a frown.

‘You know her?’ Murphy asked.

‘Shut up, Murphy, she’s my friend. We have to do something.’

Mel kept shouting, and I exchanged a look with Monroe. Sterling ran to Finn’s pack, where we kept the rope, but I focused back on Mel.

‘It’s gonna be okay!’ I shouted. ‘We’re getting you out of here, just hold on a little longer!’

Sterling came back, the rope intertwined around his body. I looked around, and saw he had tied it around a stump.

‘Is the knot going to hold?’ I asked him.

‘Yeah, my father taught me how. Don’t worry.’

I pulled on the rope with all my strength, satisfied when it held. Sterling started climbing down the cliff, just as Finn and Bellamy came back running.

‘Wait, Sterling!’ Finn shouted.

‘It looks like we’re taking that break after all, uh?’ Murphy drawled.

I glared at him and he rolled his eyes, but I didn’t say anything. I was too anxious, staring as Sterling climbed down the cliff. He seemed to know what he was doing, descending steadily at an impressive speed.

‘I’m almost there!’ he yelled as he neared Mel. ‘Once I have her, pull us up!’

Murphy looked at Bellamy with a smirk.

‘I’d say he’s heard one too many of your motivational speeches.’

‘Shut up, Murphy,’ Bellamy snapped back.

Sterling finally reached his friend, and took her hand in his. I was getting ready to pull them up when suddenly, the ridge that Mel had found purchase on disintegrated beneath her feet. She yelled, holding onto the branch with all her strength. Below her, the rocks fell and shattered hundreds of yards below.

Sterling held out his hand once more and she tried to reach out to him, but he was too far. He made his way to her and was finally able to grasp her hand.

Suddenly, I heard a snapping sound, and I turned just in time to see the knot that tied the rope to the stump break.

‘No!’ I yelled.

I fell to my knees, trying to grasp the sliding rope but Sterling was too heavy and it slid between my fingers, burning the skin. Sterling shouted as he fell into the abyss, the sound of his body shattering on the ground below echoing in my mind.

Monroe took a shuddering breath, tears pooling in her eyes and I stood up, pulling her against me. She wasn’t crying, or shouting, and in a way, it was worse. She was tense against me, gasping for breath, her hands shaking. She kept whispering Sterling’s name.

I couldn’t help but think of Charlotte. She had died this way as well and for days, I had been haunted by the idea of her small body, lying bloody, broken and forgotten. I’d imagines insects and scavenger birds picking on her flesh. I could only hope that Monroe wouldn’t have to go through the same nightmares I had.

‘Mel!’ Bellamy said loudly, his tone soothing. ‘Mel, hold on. Focus on me. You can do this.’

‘No!’ she shouted.

‘Yes, you can. You’re strong.’

‘I’m not strong! Stubborn, maybe.’

‘So be stubborn a little longer. I’m not gonna let you die, you hear me?’

Monroe pulled away from me, wiping her cheeks with her sleeve. She avoided my eyes, walking back to the edge. Finn approached Bellamy, scowling.

‘We’re out of rope,’ he said.

‘So we make a new one.’

‘If anything happens to our friends-’

‘We don’t know if we can save our friends!’ Bellamy exploded. ‘For all we know, they may be dead already. We’ve all thought it. But what we do know is we can save this one girl.’

Finn shook his head, but Monroe stepped forward, her face set.

‘Sterling was one of us,’ she said. ‘She was his friend. I’m in.’

Bellamy looked at me and I smiled tightly.

‘Do you even have to ask?’ I said. ‘Let’s save her.’

‘How do we do it?’ Murphy asked.

‘We make new rope from the wreckage,’ Bellamy answered. ‘Go find wires, seat belts, anything.’

I nodded and headed to find what he’d asked. Monroe and Murphy followed me. I shifted through the debris, pulled belts out of bodies, anything that could be used to make a sturdy rope. Thankfully, we had more than enough, and it wasn’t long before we had made one that was long enough to lower Bellamy down and get Mel.

‘I still think you shouldn’t be the one to do it,’ I told Bellamy as I checked for the umpteenth time that the knots were secure.

‘I’m the strongest,’ he repeated.

‘And the heaviest! We should send Monroe. She’s light, she’s strong and she’s willing to do it!’

I gestured at the blond girl and she nodded, her face set. Bellamy scowled.

‘I’m going,’ he said. ‘That’s final.’

I stood up and jammed a finger in his chest.

‘If you die…’ I began.

Bellamy smiled and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently.

‘I won’t. I promise.’

I sighed. I wouldn’t be able to change his mind, and time was of the essence. I helped Bellamy with the rope, positioning it around his body in the most secure way I could think of. We had tied the end around the tree stump, and for good measure, Finn, Monroe and Murphy were all holding onto it.

I looked at Bellamy, the image of Sterling falling echoing in my mind. Without thinking, I rose on my tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

‘Be careful, Blake,’ I said as I took a hold of the rope as well.

He winked at me with a smirk.

‘I always am, Sunshine,’ he answered before his face turned serious once more. ‘Let’s do this.’

‘All right,’ Murphy said as Bellamy started to climb down the cliff. ‘Ease it out slowly.’

I was positioned behind Murphy and before Finn, with Monroe behind him. Soon enough, Bellamy disappeared from my sight and I focused on the rope, ignoring the fear coursing through my body.

‘Just hang on,’ Bellamy shouted to Mel. ‘I’m almost there!’

A few minutes later, the rope was pulled tight and it got significantly harder to hold it.

‘I got her!’ Bellamy yelled. ‘Pull us up!’

‘Don’t you worry, Bellamy,’ Murphy mocked. ‘I won’t drop you.’

‘Shut up,’ I said.

‘You know, Kane, I’m getting real tired of people telling me to shut up.’

‘Just pull, Murphy!’ Finn ordered.

I used all my strength, and little by little, we pulled Bellamy and Mel up. I was sweating heavily, and the pain in my thigh was getting harder and harder to ignore, but I kept going.

Suddenly, the seat belt that Murphy was holding onto snapped open. Finn, Monroe and I fell to the ground as the weight lifted. I scrambled forward, grabbing the rope that Murphy had managed to miraculously hold on to and started pulling as he shouted. Monroe and Finn joined us and we started pulling once more.

‘What the hell is happening up there?’ Bellamy yelled.

‘Just hold on!’ Finn shouted back.

An arrow suddenly whizzed past my face, planting itself in the ground mere inches from Murphy’s leg.

‘Grounders!’ Monroe yelled.

I cursed. They must have heard the shooting.

‘Monroe, Y/N, cover us!’ Finn ordered.

I didn’t hesitate. He handed Monroe his rifle and I took my bow, nocking an arrow and drawing the string. We both aimed for the trees, but the forest hid our enemies from sight. I couldn’t see them, but they could see us, and soon, an arrow buried itself in Monroe’s thigh. She screamed, dropping to the ground. I kept shooting, but I was getting desperate.

Suddenly, a horn blew in the distance. I froze. This was the same sound the Grounders used to warn their people the acid fog was coming. I ran back to the rope when I realized our enemies had left, falling to my knees and helping Finn and Murphy pull Bellamy and Mel up. Monroe joined me, her face tight with pain.

Miraculously, the rope held, and soon enough, Bellamy’s face appeared over the edge. He helped Mel up and I let go of the rope once they were safely over the ridge. I crawled forward and pulled Bellamy to me, the both of us breathing hard. My arms were shaking wildly, the flesh of my hands was burned and my thigh was throbbing, but I couldn’t have cared less.

‘You said you’d be careful,’ I panted as I buried my head in the crook of his neck.

‘Sorry, Sunshine.’

‘We have to take cover from the fog,’ Finn said as I pulled away from Bellamy.

But suddenly, another voice rang out. A voice I knew quite well.

‘Bellamy!’ Octavia called, stepping out of the woods.

She had to be the one who’d blown the horn, to save us from the Grounders. Bellamy shot forward, and they hugged, the both of them smiling brightly. They walked back to us and I stood up, embracing Octavia tightly.

She pulled away with a smile, before focusing on Monroe’s wound. It wasn’t serious, but Octavia thought the arrow might have been poisoned. We all knew what it meant: some of us would have to go back to Camp Jaha. Mel was injured as well, her shoulder messed up from having to hang to a tree for so long. She was also severely dehydrated and in shock.

Finn hadn’t hesitated when we’d realized we’d have to separate. He wanted to go after Clarke.

‘I’ll go with you,’ I said.

Bellamy’s head snapped up, his eyes boring into mine. I smiled tightly.

‘I can’t let him go alone,’ I added. ‘And two trackers are better than one.’

Bellamy sighed, but just like I’d known I couldn’t convince him not to go after Mel, he couldn’t convince me not to follow Finn. I was surprised, however, when Murphy started following us.

Finn and I turned around, watching him with confused eyes..

‘Where the hell do you think you’re going?’ Bellamy asked.

‘Come on,’ Murphy answered. ‘You know if I go with you, they’ll just lock me up again.’

Bellamy nodded and leaned down, grabbing his rifle. Without a word, he threw it at Murphy, who caught it with a surprised frown.

‘Really?’ Octavia said.

‘Watch their backs,’ Bellamy told Murphy.

Murphy nodded, and Bellamy looked at me. I smiled, trying to look confident.

‘Be careful,’ I said.

‘You too.’

Without another word, I followed Finn and Murphy and disappeared into the woods.


	5. Chapter 5

Lincoln’s village was named Tondc, and it was a day away from the cliff where we’d rescued Mel. Finn was once again going at a relentless pace, and both Murphy and I were struggling. At this rate, we would arrive to the Grounders’ village only to collapse at their feet. But I didn’t dare say anything, not after Murphy had made a sarcastic comment and almost got Finn’s fist in his face as a result.

The stormy weather didn’t help either. It had rained for hours on end, and the ground was slippery. We tried not to leave tracks, but there was mud everywhere. A five-year-old would have been able to follow us without difficulty.

‘Gee, aren’t we having fun?’ Murphy drawled, too low for Finn to hear.

I rolled my eyes, but after a day spent in his company, I didn’t have the energy to fight with him. And I had to admit he was right. This was a lousy day.

‘Still not speaking to me, Kane? Your boyfriend forgave me, why can’t you?’

‘Bellamy’s my friend,’ I said, ignoring the way my heart clenched in my chest. ‘And he hasn’t forgiven you. He never will, and neither will I.’

‘So why allow me to come if you hate me so much?’

I sighed, praying to the heavens for patience.

‘Because we need all the help we can get,’ I said, trying to keep my tone calm.

That wasn’t the only reason, and he knew it as well as I did: Finn was a loose cannon, and I needed Murphy’s help to make sure he didn’t run off into danger or did something even more stupid. His worry for Clarke made him blind, and I was scared we would get hurt because of it.

‘Hey,’ Finn suddenly said. ‘I think this is it.’

We crouched, weapons at the ready, and crawled on the wet earth towards the village. It was small, the buildings made of either wood or sheet metal. There were around thirty Grounders milling around, and from what I could see, our friends weren’t here.

‘I count twenty-six,’ Finn informed us, looking through the scope of his rifle.

‘I got twenty-eight,’ Murphy said. ‘These people don’t look like warriors. Just kids, old people. There’s nothing here big enough to hold our friends.’

‘They could be underground.’

‘In here?’ I protested. ‘Look at the village. It’s barely big enough for thirty Grounders, you really think that’s where they would choose to hold our friends? With only kids and old people to guard them? They’ve gotta be somewhere else.’

Finn shook his head. I exchanged a worried look with Murphy. Finn wasn’t listening to us, that much was clear.

‘We wait till dark,’ he said. ‘Then we go in.’

‘We go in?’ Murphy scoffed. ‘Finn, we don’t even know if our people are here yet.’

‘They’re here,’ Finn insisted. ‘Or they were when that Grounder took Clarke’s watch.’

‘What if we’re too late, uh? I mean, they’re probably already dead-’

Finn whirled around, grabbing Murphy’s jacket roughly. His eyes were dark, his mouth set in a scowl.

‘Take it easy,’ Murphy said.

Finn let him go, focusing back on the village.

‘How much ammo do we have?’ he asked.

‘You know, I think I liked you better as a peacemaker,’ Murphy mocked.

I grabbed Finn’s sleeve, forcing him to look at me.

‘We’re not killing anyone,’ I said forcefully. ‘Not unless they attack first.’

‘They have our friends!’ he scoffed.

‘You don’t know that. That Grounder could have been lying.’

‘Look,’ he said, his tone placating. ‘We go in, we look around. If they aren’t here, we leave. Satisfied?’

I nodded reluctantly and he crawled away from the village. Murphy looked at me, and I saw worry in his eyes as well. He kept joking around, but I understood now that Finn’s attitude disturbed him just as much as me.

We followed Finn and waited in a secluded place for night to fall, in complete silence. I settled against a tree as best I could and closed my eyes, falling asleep mere seconds later. I hadn’t slept more than five hours in three days, and it showed. My brain was sluggish, my mood sombre and my movements shaky.

Unfortunately, when Murphy shook me awake, I hadn’t gotten more than two hours of sleep. It was dark outside, but I knew the sun would rise before long. We had to hurry. I got up without a complaint and we snuck inside the now quiet village. There wasn’t a soul in sight, the only sound being the one of an occasional snore. Finn seized a torch and my eyes widened.

‘What are you doing?’ Murphy hissed. ‘This isn’t part of the plan.’

‘I’m changing the plan,’ Finn answered.

‘What the hell?’ I whispered furiously. ‘Finn!’

But he was already gone, walking towards a wooden cabin. He peered inside the window.

‘This is their food,’ he told us.

Before I could react, he had thrown the torch inside. The flames spread quickly, and soon, the entire cabin was burning down. I was furious: I was a hunter, and I knew how hard it was to bring back enough food to feed a large group of people. Finn was burning down, days, weeks of trekking through the woods to bring back sometimes nothing more than a skinny rabbit. But now wasn’t the time to yell. The Grounders soon got out of their cabins, and they set to work with remarkable speed, trying to put off the fire.

‘Distraction?’ Murphy said. ‘Not bad.’

‘You didn’t have to do that,’ I protested. ‘For Christ’s sake, Finn, this was all their food and winter is right around the corner.’

‘I don’t care,’ he answered. ‘Let’s go.’

We snuck behind the buildings, following Finn. I had no idea where we were going, and I didn’t think Finn did either. He was so obsessed with finding Clarke, he didn’t care about anything else. And the more time passed, the more I knew this would end badly.

We hid behind a crate, but suddenly, a Grounder came out of a cabin. He saw us, and before we could react, he had already screamed something in their strange tongue. Murphy knocked him down, but it was too late.

‘We need to run!’ he said.

‘We can’t,’ Finn protested. ‘They’ll kill our people.’

‘Our people aren’t here!’ I said.

‘The only people they’re going to kill are us,’ Murphy added.

Finn didn’t reply. Instead, he dragged the dazed Grounder to his feet and held his rifle to the man’s head. He walked to the rest of the villagers, who stared at him in fright. Finn shot a round of bullets in the air, making the Grounders scream.

‘Who’s in charge here?’ he yelled. When no answer came, he forced the captive man to his knees. ‘I’ll ask again. Who’s in charge?’

A man walked out of the crowd, his face tense. He was tall and strong, with blue symbols tattooed on his face.

‘Our leader isn’t here,’ he answered. ‘You can deal with me.’

‘Nobody has to get hurt,’ Finn said. ‘We just want our people back.’

‘We don’t have your people,’ the man replied. I studied his face intently, but if it was a lie, I couldn’t see it.

‘Then you won’t mind if we look around,’ Finn said darkly.

My eyes bulged out of my head. What was he playing at? I tried to meet Finn’s eyes, to tell him wordlessly how terrible an idea that was, but he avoided my gaze. Instead, he rounded the villagers in the pen they used to corral sheep. The animals fled into the woods, and a woman started crying silently as the last one escaped.

Finn searched house after house, and soon, the morning sun rose above the horizon. He was running around, kicking crates open and destroying doors. The villagers watched him wreck their homes with hatred in their eyes.

‘I told you,’ the man with the blue tattoos told us as Finn ducked into yet another house. ‘We don’t have your people.’

‘Stop talking,’ Murphy said.

I watched as Finn approached a building. The urgency had left his face, replaced by a look of pure anger. But we were too far apart to see what it was that had caused this change.

‘You find something?’ Murphy yelled. ‘Finn! Answer me, are you alright?’

A young boy took Murphy’s distraction as an opportunity to escape. He got to his feet, but not before I saw him. I shot forward, my bow drew tight and my sudden movement attracted Murphy’s attention.

‘Hey, on your knees!’ he yelled. ‘On your knees, now!’

The boy dropped back down, held by the man with the tattoos.

‘Just stay where you are,’ I told him in what I hoped was a gentle tone. ‘Nothing will happen to you if you stay put.’

The boy looked at me with nothing but loathing, but the man nodded at me. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and when I turned around, I saw Finn running back to us. He leaped across the fence, holding up a jacket to the tattooed man’s face. I recognized it immediately: it was one that belonged to the Ark, and more specifically, to our missing friends.

‘What have you done with them?’ Finn shouted.

When no answer came, he raised his gun to the man’s head.

‘Hey, Finn, come on!’ Murphy protested.

I tried to grab his sleeve and pull him back but he shook me off. He turned to us, his eyes wild.

‘Their clothes are here!’ he yelled. ‘They were here.’

He focused back on the Grounder, shaking with fury.

‘You killed them,’ he said in a dark tone.

‘Finn, calm down!’ I said, my entire body buzzing with tension.

Sensing the danger, the villagers started rising to their feet. But one word from the tattooed man and they dropped back to their knees.

‘Your friends were not here,’ he then told us. ‘I saw one, Octavia, but she was alone.’

‘These people are scavengers, Finn,’ Murphy added. ‘They could’ve just found that stuff.’

‘Finn, please,’ I said. ‘Think, for one goddamn second. They’re not here.’

But he didn’t listen. Instead, he seized a woman and forced her to the ground, face down in the mud. He pressed his foot on her back, his rifle pointed at her head.

‘Finn, no!’ I yelled.

Murphy and I begged him to stop, but he shook us off, his eyes fixated on the woman who was crying softly, her eyes squeezed shut.

‘They’re innocent!’ I said. ‘Finn, please, don’t do this. Let her go!’

‘Man, let’s just walk out of here while we still can, okay?’ Murphy begged.

Finally, Finn let the woman go. The tattooed man helped her up as Finn climbed over the fence and walked back to us.

‘Look, just because their clothes are here, doesn’t mean anything,’ Murphy whispered.

‘He told us our friends were here,’ Finn protested, referring the Grounder we had interrogated. ‘Why would he do that?’

‘The guy with the one eye?’ Murphy scoffed. ‘Maybe because you had a gun to his head, Finn.’

I was about to talk when the tattooed Grounder stood up slowly.

‘A man with one eye?’ he asked, holding up his hands when Finn pointed his rifle at him. ‘You saw Delano. A snake, a thief. He and his men were cast out. You are his revenge.’

‘It makes sense, Finn,’ Murphy said.

‘Look at them,’ I agreed. ‘They’re children, old people. You searched the entire place without finding anyone else. Our friends aren’t here.’

‘Okay?’ Murphy said. ‘We need to go. Now. Come on, Finn!’

I pulled on his sleeve, and  _finally_ , he lowered his rifle. I breathed a sigh of relief when he started walking towards the woods. But suddenly, just as we’d turned around, a Grounder screamed and I turned around to see an old man hop over the fence. He was trying to flee.

Finn didn’t hesitate. He opened fire, every single one of his bullets finding their mark in the man’s body. He dropped to the ground, and I ran to him, my eyes wide, barely able to breathe from shock. I placed two trembling fingers against the skin of his neck, trying to find a pulse, but there was nothing. The man was dead.

‘What did you do?!’ I yelled at Finn as the villagers started crying.

‘He was just trying to get away!’ the tattooed man roared, fury in his eyes.

Murphy grabbed Finn’s sleeve, and motioned at me to come back to them. I stood up and Murphy pushed me gently towards the forest.

‘Come on,’ he said lowly.

But before we could leave, the young boy that had tried to rise before jumped over the fence as well, heading straight for us. I screamed, but either Finn didn’t hear me or he simply didn’t care. He opened fire once more, killing the boy without hesitating. He dropped to the ground, eyes wide open, blood seeping into the mud.

It was madness. A woman ran for the boy, and Finn shot her in the head. Another tried to flee, and dropped dead mere seconds later. Anyone that did so much as blink ended up dead, their bodies ripped by countless bullets.

‘Stop!’ I was screaming, again, and again, and again. ‘Finn, stop it!’

Murphy tried to pull him back, only to receive an elbow in the chest. I kept crying out, begging, shouting, but it was as if Finn was in a trance. Nothing worked, and I watched helplessly as the Grounders died, one after the other. I closed my eyes and fell to my knees, pressing my hands to my ears in a feeble attempt to block the sound of the villagers’ screams.

Until he stopped, suddenly. I opened my eyes, and saw him look with wide eyes at the woods. Following his gaze, I inhaled sharply as I saw Bellamy, Octavia and Clarke, bruised and pale, but very much alive. Had I just not witnessed a massacre, I would’ve been overjoyed at seeing her. But all I could think about were the children, the innocent that had just died.

Bellamy, Octavia and Clarke came nearer. I rose to my feet and took a shaky step towards Bellamy, who was looking at me with haunted eyes.

‘I asked him to stop,’ I whispered, my eyes wide as I stared at the bodies. ‘I asked him, but he didn’t listen. Bell, I swear, I tried but-’

‘I know,’ he interrupted me. ‘I know, Y/N, it’s okay.’

It wasn’t much, but it was enough. He had to know I hadn’t done this. And it was selfish, so selfish of me to care about his opinion as people died around me, but I couldn’t help it. I needed Bellamy to know.

I watched as a woman cradled a young girl to her chest, weeping. And a part of me remembered all these times I had thought it would end badly. I had known Finn was unhinged, had known it would only end in a disaster. And I had done nothing.

I was just as responsible for this massacre as he was.


	6. Chapter 6

‘Miss Kane, tell us again what happened.’

I sighed, closing my eyes and trying to keep calm. For two hours now, I had been kept in a chair, faced with five guards and Abby Griffin, who I had learned was now the Chancellor. My father had left on a dangerous mission to broker peace with the Grounders’ Commander, and no one had any idea if he was still alive.

I was exhausted, my head was killing me and I was barely holding it together. But I had to stay calm. My freedom depended on it.

‘We were looking for our friends,’ I said once again. ‘We thought the Grounders had captured them.’

‘Why?’ Abby asked.

‘Who else? We didn’t know about those mountain men. Grounders were the only possibility. We had just killed hundreds of their warriors, it made sense that they wanted revenge.’

‘What did you do next?’

‘Murphy led us to a village. The Grounders had stuff that belonged to us, and one of them was wearing Clarke’s watch around his neck. We captured him and brought him to an underground bunker so we could interrogate him. He told us our friends where in another village, a little further south from our camp.’

Byrne, the guard on Abby’s right side, scoffed. I narrowed my eyes. In two days, they had summoned me four times, and no matter how much I repeated my story, that woman still didn’t believe me.

‘He just gave you a map?’ she asked, raising a single eyebrow.

‘ _Yes_ ,’ I said. ‘Finn threatened to kill him, and the Grounder told us everything.’

‘Do you think Mr. Collins would have shot the Grounder, if he hadn’t answered the question?’ a woman I couldn’t remember the name of asked.

I hesitated, like I always did. I wanted to believe Finn wouldn’t have shot him. But after what had happened in Tondc… I wasn’t so sure.

‘I can’t answer that.’

‘Can’t… or won’t?’ the woman asked.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ I replied, annoyed.

‘Doesn’t it? You said Mr. Collins did end up killing the man.’

‘He thought he didn’t have a choice.’

Abby leaned in, and looked at me, her eyes soft. She was the only friendly face in the room, and I drew comfort and strength from it.

‘Do you think there was another choice, Y/N?’

‘I- we could have brought him back here. As a prisoner.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘Finn shot him before we could discuss that possibility.’

I felt like I was throwing him under the bus, but what choice did I have? I wasn’t going to lie. And I could still remember the sound the bullet had made as it shattered the Grounder’s skull.

‘What then?’ Abby asked.

‘We headed for Tondc, following the Grounder’s map. On the way, we found the remains of Factory Station, and we rescued Mel. Sterling died and Monroe got injured, so we decided to split the group. I went to the village with Finn and Murphy. When we got there, there wasn’t any sign of our friends. The Grounders were children and elders, not warriors.’

‘If you knew your friends weren’t there, why did you attack the village?’ Byrne asked.

‘We didn’t attack!’ I snapped. ‘Finn wanted to look around, that’s it. Things just got… out of hand.’

Byrne scoffed once more and I ground my teeth, anger coursing through my veins.

‘Out of hand?’ she said. ‘Eighteen dead Grounders are not what I would call “out of hand”.’

‘Finn found jackets that belonged to us,’ I explained, taking deep breaths to stay calm. ‘He was convinced they’d done something to our friends. Murphy and I… we tried to tell him it might not mean anything. Murphy thought they were scavengers, that they had just found them somewhere. But Finn…’

‘What made him shoot, Y/N?’ Abby asked.

‘A man tried to flee. Finn panicked and he… he killed him. I don’t… I don’t remember what happened, not in details. Everything was so loud, and so fast. People were trying to run away, and Finn just kept shooting. Murphy and I tried to make him stop, but he wasn’t listening and I… I couldn’t do anything. I swear, I didn’t kill these people!’

I closed my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears that I knew were close. No matter how many times I told the story, it was still hard for me to do so without remembering the bodies, the screams, the blood… I couldn’t bear it.

‘Alright,’ Abby sighed. ‘That’s all we wanted to hear. We still need to listen to Finn’s testimony one more time, but I think we can proceed to the vote on your case.’

I inhaled sharply. Each member of the council straightened in their seats and my heart started hammering in my chest. They could either pardon me… or send me to jail for the rest of my days.

‘All those in favour of clearing the accused, raise your hands,’ Abby said.

One, two, three… four hands raised in the air and I sagged in my chair, the relief making me dizzy. Only Byrne hadn’t raised her hand, but I couldn’t have cared less. I was free.

‘Y/N Kane, you are pardoned for your crimes. You can go.’

I nodded, and left the room. I headed outside the building on shaky legs, and immediately spotted Bellamy. He was filling glasses, but he put them down as I approached.

‘Hey,’ he greeted me. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ I breathed out. ‘They pardoned me.’

‘I told you they would. Come on, let’s sit down, you look like you’re going to faint.’

I let him lead me to a table, and I sat heavily on the bench, burying my head in my arms. I felt metal touch the bare skin of my hand and grasped the cup blindly, raising my head just long enough to take a refreshing sip.

‘I’m a mess,’ I said, my voice muffled.

‘You’re tired. It’ll be better once you get some sleep.’

I raised my head, giving him a disbelieving look.

‘Bellamy, my father left on a suicide mission, our friends are missing, Finn’s gone insane and to top it all, we don’t have enough food to last us through winter. Sleep isn’t gonna do a damn thing.’

He raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, and I winced, aware that I was just lashing out.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Like I said, Kane. You need sleep.’

I went to answer, but I was interrupted when Clarke sat next to me. I gave her a tight smile. I had been relieved to see her, once the shock over Finn’s murdering spree had somewhat dissolved, but unfortunately, she’d had nothing but bad news. Our missing friends had been taken by a group of people living inside Mount Weather. They couldn’t survive the radiations, and were reduced to capturing Grounders and harvesting their blood to survive. It seemed unbelievable, but Clarke had seen it with her own eyes and I trusted her.

‘Did they pardon you?’ she asked me.

‘Yeah. They’re probably interrogating Finn again.’

Clarke’s face hardened at his name, and I couldn’t blame her. Some part of her must have felt responsible. Finn had been looking for her when he’d massacred those villagers.

‘Tell us about the mountain,’ I said, changing the subject. ‘Bellamy says you have a map?’

She nodded, and pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. She flattened it on the table and we leant in, studying the different levels and corridors.

‘As you can see,’ Clarke began, ‘it’s a labyrinth. We got to the dam through this tunnel, right here. It’s all connected to the mine system. That’s our way in.’

‘Sure,’ Bellamy said, ‘if we can get past the Reapers and the Mountain Men. I swear to God, if your mom doesn’t sanction a mission soon, I’m going by myself.’

‘You won’t be by yourself,’ Clarke replied.

‘If you think we’re letting you go in alone, you’ve got another thing coming, Blake,’ I agreed.

He nodded, sending the both of us grateful smiles. Clarke’s gaze shifted, and when I followed it, I saw Finn getting out of the main building.

‘I guess the inquisition’s over,’ Bellamy said, before he turned back to Clarke. ‘How’s Finn doing, anyway?’

‘I haven’t talked to him since we got back. I don’t know what to say. He just kept shooting.’

‘We’re at war, Clarke,’ Bellamy protested. ‘We’ve all done things.’

Finn reached the table, and tried to meet Clarke’s eyes, but she seemed to be unable to look at him. After a few seconds of tense silence, Bellamy and I exchanged an awkward glance.

‘Next round is on me,’ Bellamy said, grabbing our cups. ‘Come on, Sunshine. I could use some help.’

I didn’t need to be told twice and I stood up, following Bellamy until we were out of Clarke and Finn’s sight. Bellamy put down the cups and sighed heavily.

‘Man, they’ve got a lot of shit to deal with.’

‘Tell me about it. Well, I’m beat. I’m gonna head to bed.’

‘Good. Where do you sleep, anyway?’

‘In my father’s cabin. It’s not much, but at least there’s a real mattress.’

Bellamy’s eyes widened.

‘You’re joking. You’ve got a mattress? I got a fucking tent.’

I laughed, and he gave me an annoyed look.

‘Think that’s funny? You could share, at least.’

‘You’re gonna have to try harder if you want to get into my bed, Blake,’ I said as I started walking away. ‘I’m not that easy.’

‘Does that mean it’s a possibility?’ he shouted at my retreating back.

I laughed without turning around, and when I disappeared inside the building, I still had a smile on my face, and my heart was hammering in my chest.

 _Yes, Bellamy_ , I thought.  _It’s a big possibility._

* * *

I woke up eight hours later, to the sound of someone knocking on my door. I groaned, pushing back the covers and stumbled to the door, opening it to find Raven standing on the other side.

‘Wow, your hair looks like it was styled by a four-year-old,’ she mocked.

‘Screw you, Reyes. Is there a good reason you’re waking me up?’

‘We’re going to Mount Weather. Get dressed, or we’re leaving without you.’

My eyes widened and Raven smirked. She pushed past me and sat on the bed, extending her braced leg in front of her. I quickly slipped a somewhat clean shirt over my head and put on pants. I was tying my shoes when she finally started talking.

‘I found out that Mount Weather’s jamming us yesterday. I also found a way to destroy their radio tower. Once the jamming signal is out, we can contact the other stations. Am I a genius or what?’

I rolled my eyes.

‘I’m not answering that. Your ego’s big enough already. Is Abby sanctioning the mission or are we gonna have to sneak out again?’

‘Actually, she’s coming with us, along with some guards.’

‘So we’re doing this within the rules for once? Feels weird.’

Raven smirked, and I didn’t have to ask to know that wasn’t the case.

‘Destroying the tower is the official mission. But Octavia, Bellamy and you have another one. You’re going to find a way into Mount Weather.’

‘About time.’

‘Tell me about it. Clarke thinks you can find ruins around the mountain, that could lead us straight to the mines. Your job’s to sneak out, find a way in and report back. That okay with you?’

I nodded. I needed a mission, a real one, to help me push the memories of the massacre away. We walked out of the station and joined the others. Bellamy, Octavia, Clarke and Abby were there, as well as a few guards. And to my surprise, Finn. Octavia was looking at him with daggers in her eyes and I couldn’t blame her.

We left camp, and I automatically took the head of the group. The woods were familiar to me, and I knew the shortest path for Mount Weather. No one seemed to have a problem with it, and I led them at a steady pace towards the mountain.

Sometime after noon, Clarke joined me.

‘Hey,’ she said. ‘We’re close. It’s time.’

She didn’t have to say any more and I nodded. As Clarke took the head of the group, I slowed down until I joined Bellamy and Octavia at the rear. Discreetly, we hung back and left the path, walking until we couldn’t hear the others.

‘What are we looking for, exactly?’ Octavia asked.

‘According to Clarke, before the bombs, there were buildings everywhere here,’ Bellamy answered. ‘I’m guessing some of them had access to the bunker. So we’re looking for ruins, anything that’s man-made, okay?’

I was about to reply when someone called Bellamy’s name. I cursed and turned around, scowling as I saw three of the guards had found us.

‘Let’s go, right now,’ the one named Scott said.

‘In case you’ve forgotten, we’re not under your command,’ Bellamy protested.

‘Don’t make us do this the hard way.’

‘Come on, Scott. Forty-seven of our people are prisoners in this mountain.’

‘That’s why we’re out here,’ Scott said.

‘Wrong,’ Bellamy insisted. ‘You’re out here to find other stations of the Ark. We’re out here to find our friends.’

He turned around and I was about to follow, but Octavia stayed frozen, her eyes glued to the ground. I followed her gaze and frowned as I saw hundreds of insects scurrying away. They were running away, but from what? I found my answer when I looked up.

‘Acid fog!’ Bellamy yelled. ‘We need cover, now! Deploy your tents, let’s go!’

I didn’t have one. That was the price of carrying my bow, which was already much too big and heavy for me to bring anything more than food and water. I waited anxiously as Bellamy and the guards got to work, when Octavia left my side and started following the insects.

‘What are you doing?’ I said frantically.

She grabbed my wrist and pulled me with her towards a huge moss-covered rock. Bellamy called our names, but I had finally realized what she was looking for. The insects were disappearing under the stone, which meant this wasn’t a simple rock.

‘Bell!’ Octavia yelled. ‘There’s something in here! Maybe it’s the ruins.’

Bellamy called for the guards as the three of us tried to find an opening. The fog was creeping closer, and my throat was already burning. Scott and Bellamy pulled, their faces red with effort and  _finally_  a door opened. I pushed Octavia inside and grabbed Bellamy’s jacket, pulling him along. But he resisted, looking at the two guards that had stayed behind.

‘Hurry, quick!’ he shouted. ‘Get inside!’

One of the guards obeyed, but the last one took too much time and he was swallowed up by the fog before he could join us. Scott pushed past me to try and save him, but we all knew it was too late and Bellamy pulled him back inside, shutting the door right as the fog reached us.

Bellamy was coughing harshly, his eyes red and his hands shaking. I quickly pulled out my water bottle and tilted his head back with gentle fingers, before I poured the refreshing liquid over his face. I washed his hands as well, and he shot me a grateful smile. Scott had been burned as well, but before I could get to him, the other guard had imitated me and was washing his friend’s face.

‘Octavia, you okay?’ I asked.

‘I’m fine.’

I looked at her carefully, not trusting her to say the truth. It was no secret that the Blake siblings tended to make light of their injuries. But for once, Octavia hadn’t lied. She had been the first one inside, and the fog hadn’t reached her.

‘Okay,’ Bellamy said firmly as we turned on our flashlights. ‘Let’s go.’

‘Where are we?’ Scott asked.

‘Looks like a garage.’

‘More like a tomb,’ Octavia shivered.

I had to agree. The darkness, the dust, the deep silence only broken by the echoes of our steps and the skittering of insects…it was unnerving.

‘Look,’ Bellamy began, ‘I’m sorry about your man. But we need to find an access door to Mount Weather.’

He started to walk away, but Scott stopped him.

‘Sir,’ Bellamy protested, ‘that fog will keep us pinned down-’

Scott pulled out a gun from his waistband and handed it to Bellamy, interrupting his protests.

‘We’ll split up,’ Scott said. ‘Meet back here in 15. Be safe.’

Bellamy nodded gratefully, and him, Octavia and I headed south, as Scott and the other guard left the opposite way. We stayed silent, searching for any door or passage that could lead us inside the mountain. I was on edge, dread forming a deep pit in my stomach. I wished I could grab my bow, but I knew handling the flashlight was more important. I had my dagger in my other hand, but it was a meagre comfort.

We had just found a door when we heard the echo of a distant scream. We froze, looking at each other with confusion.

‘What the hell was that?’ I whispered.

‘It sounded like Scott,’ Bellamy answered. ‘Let’s go.’

We headed for the source of the scream, and as we drew nearer, we began to hear music. The sound was haunting in the darkness, and I tried to steel myself against the fear that coursed through my veins.

‘Scott?’ Bellamy called as we crouched near an abandoned car. ‘Are you there?’

We advanced some more, and found one of the rifles and a flashlight on the floor. There was a strange crunching sound, and I exchanged a puzzled look with Octavia. Bellamy turned the light to the other side, and I froze.

There were men, crouched around a body. It took me some time to realize what was happening. The dead man was one of the guards, I couldn’t see which one. But the thing that shocked me more was the gaping wound in his chest, the entrails spilling out. The two men, Grounders it seemed, had their hands inside the wound and blood covered their faces.

‘Oh god,’ I choked. ‘They’re  _eating_ him.’

‘Reapers,’ Octavia breathed out.

Suddenly, they saw us and started running towards us. Bellamy didn’t hesitate. He opened fire, killing the Reapers in a matter of seconds. The noise was deafening, and I was hyperaware that if there were others around, they had heard us.

As Bellamy gave Octavia his gun, keeping the abandoned rifle for himself, I took out my bow. Screw the light. I would have to content myself with the one Bellamy had attached to his rifle.

It wasn’t long before we found the other guard, dead on the ground. Another reaper was crouched over him, making a feast out of his entrails. Miraculously, he hadn’t seen us and Bellamy prepared himself to shoot.

‘Don’t!’ Octavia gasped. ‘It’s Lincoln.’

I breathed in sharply, and now that she had said it, I recognized the Reaper. What had happened to him? I knew he had been captured by Reapers, but, like Octavia, I had assumed he was dead. This changed everything.

Lincoln rose to his feet, his eyes fixed on Octavia. But they were empty. She kept calling his name, but it was as if he didn’t hear her. She begged Bellamy not to kill him and suddenly, Lincoln started running. He threw himself at Octavia, grabbing her roughly and throwing her at a car. He then started advancing towards Bellamy. I was ready to shoot him, not seeing any other solution, when the sound of a shot echoed in the empty garage. But it wasn’t Bellamy who had pulled the trigger.

It was Octavia, and she looked at the wound in Lincoln’s leg with haunted eyes. Bellamy took the opportunity to hit him in the head with the butt of his rifle. The man collapsed to the ground with a groan, unconscious.

‘Shit,’ I cursed. ‘What do we do?’

‘We need to get somewhere safe,’ Bellamy said as he helped Octavia up.

‘We can’t leave him here!’ I protested.

‘We don’t have a choice. Come on, Y/N!’

He pushed me forward with his free arm and I didn’t protest any further. Especially since Lincoln was already showing signs of waking up. We ran through the garage, searching for a place to hide. The fog kept us trapped, and none of the doors we found opened.

Finally, Octavia saw a car that seemed to be big enough to shelter the three of us. I broke a window with my elbow and unlocked it, ushering Octavia and Bellamy inside before joining them. I closed the door and spread my jacket over the window to hide the opening.

‘He’s a reaper,’ Octavia whispered, her breathing shallow. Bellamy held her against him and I stroked her arm, but it didn’t seem to be any use. Her eyes were wide, her body shivering. ‘How’s it even possible? He just looked right through me.’

There was the sound of glass breaking and I froze. Lincoln was right next to the car, stepping on the remnants of the window. Bellamy shushed his sister but she kept whispering, and Lincoln whirled around with a growl, his eyes staring at the window. Octavia froze, looking at him with haunted eyes.

‘Can he see us?’ she whispered.

‘I don’t know,’ Bellamy answered. He had an arm around my back and pulled me tighter against him and Octavia, his eyes fixed on Lincoln. My hand was covering my mouth to try and cover my sharp, panicked breathing.  _Finally_ , Lincoln ran a bloody hand on the car and left, stumbling further down in the garage. I closed my eyes and sagged against Octavia, nearly lightheaded from relief.

‘Shh,’ Bellamy said as Octavia started shaking even more. ‘Just listen to me. I’ll get him back, I promise.’

‘How?’ I whispered.

‘We could trick him,’ Octavia answered. ‘Use one of us as bait and knock him out.’

‘And then what? We have nothing to tie him up.’

‘Scott had rope in his pack,’ Bellamy said. ‘I saw him put it in. We just have to get it.’

I took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair.

‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll go get the damn rope. You two stay in here.’

I quickly took off my shoes and got on my knees, ready to open the door, but Bellamy stopped me. His eyes were wide.

‘No way. I’m not letting you go alone.’

I sat back down, turning until I could face him.

‘I’m a hunter. I can sneak past hordes of deer without being seen. Lincoln is not going to be a problem.’

‘I should go.’

‘No. You’re a good fighter, but not the greatest when it comes to stealth. And Octavia…’

I didn’t finish my sentence, but we all knew what I was thinking. This was Lincoln, the man she loved, and she was too shocked by what had happened to him to think clearly.

‘I’m sorry,’ I told her. ‘But you know I’m right.’

She nodded, and I was relieved to see she didn’t seem angry. Bellamy was another matter entirely. His hand was still wrapped around mine and I intertwined my fingers with his, making my heart race in my chest, but not from fear. Bellamy’s eyes were boring into mine, and all I could think about for a second was to surge forward and kiss him. But Octavia was in the car, Lincoln was prowling around, and I couldn’t lose my focus, no matter how much I wanted to.

‘I’ll be fine,’ I said. ‘Please, just trust me on this.’

His jaw clenched and unclenched, his eyes dark, but eventually, he let go of my hand and nodded. I looked through the windows, and when I was sure Lincoln wasn’t anywhere close, I got out, closing the door as quietly as I could behind me.

My greatest challenge was moving around in complete darkness. Using my flashlight was out of the question, and I had to rely on my memory alone to get to Scott and the rope. I closed my eyes and just breathed for a few minutes. I knew I had to rely on my hearing, and I was thankful for all those nights I had spent hunting with nothing but the pale light of the moon to guide me.

Soon enough, my hearing had sharpened to the point where I could hear the smallest insect skittering at the other hand of the garage. I rose to my feet and walked as slowly as I could towards the place where Scott’s body lied. Every time I heard a sound, I stopped and waited for endless minutes until I moved again. Bellamy must have been going mad in the car. I had been out for at least fifteen minutes, and was only halfway there. But strangely, I was calm. My heart beat in a regular rhythm in my chest and my breathing was slow and steady. It was as if I was merely hunting some boar, and not a man I knew.

I smelled Scott’s body before I saw it in the bright glow of his abandoned flashlight. The problem was, I wasn’t alone. Lincoln was back, devouring what seemed to be Scott’s liver. I fought not to gag as I tried to think about what to do. What was he doing here? He was supposed to be searching for us on the other side of the garage!

I could have turned back. Gone to the car and informed Bellamy and Octavia of the situation. But not only would it take even longer, I loathed the idea of turning my back to Lincoln. No, I had to get the rope. But I couldn’t fight him. However, there was a chance I could outsmart him.

I carefully search in my pockets for something to throw, and smiled when my fingers closed around my dagger. I hated having to separate myself from my weapon, but it was the only thing I could throw far enough for my plan to work. I shifted until I was in a good position and took a deep breath. Then, I threw the knife. It sailed through the air and landed impressively far in a metallic clatter.

Lincoln jumped to his feet with a roar that was barely human. I kept close to the wall, unmoving, not even breathing as he walked past me. He disappeared behind a car and I knew it was now or never.

I walked quickly to Scott’s pack, which lay a few feet away from his body, and rummaged through until I got my hand on the rope. It was perfect, long and sturdy enough to immobilize an adult. I turned around, and allowed myself a brief smile when I saw that Lincoln had completely disappeared, off to look for the source of the noise somewhere else. My plan had worked.

I looped the heavy rope around my shoulder and began the long and tedious walk towards the car, where I hoped Bellamy and Octavia were still waiting for me. I kept listening intently, but there was only silence. I was grateful I’d had the forethought of taking off my shoes as my socks barely made a noise on the ground.

I was a hundred feet away from the car when a hand suddenly closed around my arm and yanked me away. It was Lincoln, and had I had time to think, I would have cursed myself for my stupidity. He hadn’t left at all. He had been waiting for me to pass by, hiding behind a car, and I had fallen into his trap.

I tried to scream, but he shoved me against the concrete wall and the air left my lungs in a startled breath. I scratched at his face, but he didn’t seem to care and shoved me once again against the wall. I couldn’t scream, could barely breathe, and tears slid down my cheeks at the pain.

I tried to kick at him but he pressed himself against me to immobilize my legs and I gagged at the smell of blood that oozed from him.

‘L-Lincoln,’ I gasped. ‘P-p-please, Lincoln, it’s me.’

He grasped my throat and lifted me as if I weighed nothing more than a feather. I grabbed his hand, trying to dislodge it, but he didn’t budge. I looked at the car, where Bellamy and Octavia must have been waiting for me. They were so close, and yet so far away.

I managed to land a kick in Lincoln’s chest and he dropped me, out of surprise more than pain, I imagined. I tried to get up, but his foot crashed into my chest before I could and I wheezed as I once again lost the ability to breathe. He stared down at me, Scott’s blood oozing from his mouth and I closed my eyes.

But then, I heard the crack of electricity. I opened my eyes, just in time to see Bellamy shock Lincoln into unconsciousness with a baton. The Reaper dropped to the ground and I looked at him with wide eyes.

‘Octavia, get the rope,’ Bellamy said as he stared at Lincoln, his face blank.

Octavia gently took the rope from around my shoulder and the siblings made quick work of tying Lincoln up. Only once it was done did Bellamy turn to me. His mask fell and he breathed in shakily.

‘I knew this was a bad idea,’ he said. ‘You okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ I answered, and proved it by getting to my feet on my own. My body ached and I would probably turn black and blue for a while, but Lincoln hadn’t done any serious damage. ‘Sorry. I underestimated him.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Octavia said. ‘We got him. What do we do now?’

‘We take him home,’ Bellamy replied. ‘The dropship is deserted, and it’s not far from here. We can hold him in there before we figure out what to do.’

Octavia brushed a hand over Lincoln’s head, scowling when it came back stained with grime and blood. We took him back to the car, where we waited in tense silence for a little more than two hours for the fog to lift. Bellamy opened the garage door just a smidge, and nodded to signal it was clear.

Dragging Lincoln to the dropship was a pain. The man was heavy and still in a deep slumber. Bellamy had taken most of his weight onto him, but he was struggling and neither Octavia nor I could do much to help him. But finally, as the sun rose above the horizon, we reached the scorched dropship. Once again, we heaved him to the top floor and tied him. I couldn’t help but remember the last time this had happened.

I could only hope this time would go better.


	7. Chapter 7

Bellamy had spent the past hour throwing me dirty looks and I was getting sick of it. We had been waiting for dawn to come before sneaking into Camp Jaha. The plan was for Bellamy to get Clarke while Octavia and I stayed in the dropship to try to figure out how to turn Lincoln back to his non-cannibalistic self.

He had woken up some time ago, and had spent a good hour roaring, spitting and trashing around as he fought against the restraints. Once he realized he was stuck, he remained eerily quiet, content to stare at the three of us with bloodlust in his red eyes. Octavia wasn’t doing good, but there wasn’t much I could do to comfort her. Her brother might have had more luck if he could stop glaring at me for one second.

I met his stormy eyes once more, and I finally snapped. I stood up, my hands clenched into fists.

‘Octavia,’ I ground out. ‘Will you be okay with Lincoln for a few minutes? I need a word with your brother.’

She raised an eyebrow, surprised, but nodded without protesting. I started going down the ladder and Bellamy followed me in complete silence. I stopped once I reached the first level, and waited with a blank face for him to join me.

‘What?’ he asked once he did.

‘Care to explain why the hell you’re so pissed at me?’ I asked, trying to remain calm.

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘Bullshit. Tell me the truth.’

Bellamy sighed, running a hand through his hair.

‘You really want to know?’ he said, his eyes boring into mine. ‘Fine. I’m pissed, because I keep trusting you to take care of yourself and every goddamn time, you get hurt.’

‘ _Excuse me?_ ’ I scowled. ‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’

‘I let you come with me when O was missing, and Lincoln almost bashed your head in. Then, I agreed when you decided to go out to find the Grounder army, and you got stabbed. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson, but  _no_ , I just had to let you leave to get a fucking rope. Big surprise, you almost died. Again. You know how we realized what was happening? It was getting too hot in the car and Octavia opened the door. That’s it. Three more seconds and you would be dead, Y/N. Dead.’

At the beginning of his tirade, Bellamy had been shouting but the anger had left him and he had finished in a broken whisper. I breathed in sharply.

‘I understand where this is coming from, I truly do,’ I said. ‘But… Bell, you can’t keep me away from danger. Danger is everywhere on this goddamn planet. You tried with Octavia when we first came down, and how did that work out for you? Don’t try it with me. I know I’m not a fighter. I can’t defend myself against someone like Lincoln. That’s why I’ve got you.’

‘And what if I’m not there? How do you expect to survive then?’

I had no answer for him, and we both knew it. I had been lucky so far, but it was only a matter of time before that luck ran out. But I looked at him, at the desperation that was so clearly written on his face, and the solution came to me.

‘Teach me,’ I said.

Bellamy frowned.

‘Teach you what?’

‘Teach me how to fight. You have training from your time with the guards and you can handle your own better than most. Like I said, you can’t keep me away from danger. Even if it was possible…I wouldn’t want you to. But you can give me an edge. Some training, even if it’s minimal, could make the difference between life and death.’

Bellamy kept silent as I finished talking, and I waited as he stared at me. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he considered my proposition, the advantages and drawbacks. Finally, he sighed and gave me small smile.

‘I won’t go easy on you,’ he said.

‘Good.’

Bellamy laughed, shaking his head.

‘We’ll see about that.’

Suddenly, a ray of light shone right in my eye. I walked to the open door of the dropship, pushing the tarpaulins away. The rising sun was shining outside, painting the forest in golden hues.

‘It’s time,’ I said, and Bellamy nodded.

He left soon after that to go and get Clarke, so she could take a look at Lincoln, and I watched him until he disappeared in the woods. When I came back to the third level, Octavia was waiting.

‘So…’ she said, one eyebrow raised high. ‘What’s going on between you and my brother?’

‘What are you talking about?’ I asked.

‘Don’t play coy. I’m not blind, you know. I’ve seen the way you look at him.’

My cheeks flushed and I avoided her eyes.

‘I knew it,’ Octavia chuckled.

It was a weak, tired laugh, but I couldn’t help but smile at the sound. I didn’t like the subject of that particular conversation, but if it helped her forget about Lincoln for a little bit, she could ask me all the invasive questions she could think of.

‘You do realize he’s crazy about you, right?’ she said.

I sighed.

‘I’m not blind either,’ I replied. ‘I know he cares about me. But…that doesn’t necessarily mean he  _likes_ me. For all we know, he could think of me as a friend, or Christ, a sister. There’s nothing in his behavior that suggests otherwise.’

Octavia’s eyes widened.

‘Wow. You really thought about it.’

I snorted. Of course, I’d thought about it. I had spent countless hours analyzing everything Bellamy had ever said to me, trying to find any sign, any clue that might indicate what he thought about me. And I had gotten nowhere.

‘Anyway,’ I smiled, pushing away my thoughts of Bellamy, ‘now is hardly the time to think about love and relationships, is it?’

‘I guess,’ Octavia replied. ‘Still. I think you could be good to each other.’

Thankfully, she dropped the subject after that. But, as I waited for Bellamy to come back with Clarke, I couldn’t help but think about it.

* * *

Lincoln warned us of Bellamy and Clarke’s arrival when he began trashing against his bonds like a mad animal. Mere seconds after, Bellamy climbed up the ladder, quickly followed by the blond girl. Clarke startled as Lincoln roared, her eyes wide.

‘It’s okay,’ Bellamy reassured her. ‘He’s been restrained.’

‘I can’t believe we’re back here again,’ she breathed out.

‘Can you help him?’ Octavia asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she answered. ‘I knew Mount Weather controlled the Reapers. I had no idea they were creating them.’

I scoffed.

‘Yeah, I guess that wouldn’t be part of their little presentation.’

‘If they can do that to Lincoln,’ Bellamy said darkly, ‘what are they doing to our friends?’

No one answered, and it wasn’t hard to see why. Lincoln kept screaming, his red eyes bulging with fury and…hunger. But suddenly, he quieted down. He started shaking violently, his body tense as a wire.

‘He’s convulsing,’ Clarke said.

‘So what does it mean?’ Octavia asked.

Clarke observed Lincoln, and her eyes fell on the bullet wound on his thigh.

‘What happened to his leg?’ she asked.

‘I shot him,’ Octavia answered, a haunted look on her face.

‘You didn’t have a choice,’ I said firmly, and Bellamy nodded.

‘Clarke, he’s lost a lot of blood,’ he added.

She approached Lincoln, although carefully, and frowned.

‘Can you shine the light on his neck?’ she asked.

Bellamy and Octavia pointed their flashlights at Lincoln’s throat and he squinted against the light, turning his head to the side. My eyes widened.

‘Needle marks,’ Clarke breathed out.

‘You think he’s been drugged?’ Bellamy asked.

‘Maybe.’

Suddenly, one of the wires that tied Lincoln to the wall broke. He seized Clarke and tried to bring her to him, teeth snapping. Octavia ran forward, only to be knocked against the wall. Bellamy managed to make him let go of Clarke by pounding on his arm, but that only made Lincoln angrier as he turned on the other man. I looked around the room and my eyes zeroed in on a heavy pole of metal, the same one we used to lock the hatch. I seized it and, gathering my courage, ran to the wrestling pair. It only took one well placed blow to the head and Lincoln dropped to the floor, unconscious.

Breathing hard, I helped Bellamy up.

‘What was it about me not being able to take care of myself again?’ I asked.

Bellamy scoffed, but squeezed my arm in a silent thank you.

‘We need to tie him up before he wakes up,’ I said. ‘ _Better_ , this time.’

And tie him up, we did. By the time we were done, an elephant wouldn’t have been able to break out of the bonds. This time, to make things easier for both Clarke and Lincoln, we had kept him lying down. He was still unconscious, which made the entire process easy.

‘We have to stop the bleeding and get the bullet out,’ Clarke said. ‘Hold his leg down.’

As Bellamy and I moved into position, Octavia tried to get water into Lincoln’s mouth. But as the first drop hit his lips, he woke up with a snarl, teeth snapping at Octavia’s hand. She drew back just in time, falling back with a scream. Shaken and tears shining in her eyes, she stood up.

‘I’ll get some more water,’ she said in a broken voice.

Bellamy stood, placing a hand on her arm.

‘Once the drug is out of his system, he’ll be okay,’ he said.

‘You can’t protect me from this one, big brother,’ Octavia replied.

Bellamy looked heartbroken, but one look at Lincoln, and his face became blank. We both held Lincoln’s leg down as Clarke expertly fished out the bullet from his thigh. I was impressed by how quickly she managed to find it, and in no time, Lincoln’s wound was sterilized and bandaged.

‘Your mom would be proud,’ Bellamy said.

‘My mom would know how to save him,’ Clarke shot back.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said. ‘She isn’t here. You are.’

My words were harsh, but it was what Clarke needed to hear. She nodded, her face set as she concentrated on Lincoln. Footsteps sounded on the level below, and Octavia climbed up. But she wasn’t alone. There was a Grounder behind her, one that was familiar to me. Where had she found him? And why had she brought him here?

Quick as lightning, Bellamy seized his rifle and pointed him at the man. Octavia raised her hands in a placating gesture.

‘Bellamy, don’t! He’s Lincoln’s friend, and their healer.’

The man didn’t seem to care about the gun pointed at his chest. He was staring at me, his brows furrowed. He took a step forward, and his face came into the light, blue tattoos shining on his skin. I gasped, my eyes wide as I recognized him.

He was the man from Tondc. The one who had tried so desperately to save his people as Finn massacred men, women and children without a second thought. As I had stood by, without doing anything to stop it.

‘You,’ he growled. ‘You were there.’

I couldn’t speak. My head was filled with screams, gunshots and the sight of dead bodies. I could smell the blood, taste it in my mouth. But above all, I remembered the boy that had leapt over the fence. He had been so young.

‘Y/N,’ Bellamy whispered, his fingers brushing against my arm.

I blinked, memories fading away at the sound of his voice. The man was still staring at me, his hands clenched at his sight. Would he try to kill me, for what I’d done – or failed to do – at the village?

He might have, had Lincoln not started convulsing again. Clarke cursed, kneeling next to his shaking body once more. Bellamy kept his rifle pointed at the Grounder, but he took a step back, a silent permission for him to come closer.

In complete silence, the man reached into his jacket and pulled out a satchel full of vials. He selected a small one, filled with a clear liquid.

‘What is that?’ Clarke asked.

He didn’t bother to answer her. Instead, he leaned over Lincoln, the vial opened and positioned above the Reaper’s mouth.

‘Yu gonplei ste odon,’ he said quietly.

I frowned. I had heard those words before, said by a Grounder as he tried to kill me. Why would the healer say them to Lincoln? I inhaled sharply, but Clarke beat me to the punch.

‘Wait!’ she said as her hand shot forward, stopping the drop of liquid before it reached Lincoln’s mouth.

Quick as a snake, I tore the vial out of the healer’s hand. He snarled, pulling out a dagger, but Bellamy was quicker.

‘Back off,’ he ordered, the butt of his rifle pressed against the healer’s head. Clarke repeated the words, her brows furrowed.

‘Yu gonplei ste odon…,’ she muttered before her eyes suddenly widened. ‘It’s what they say before death!’

I studied the vial in my hand, and lifted it to my face. Carefully, I sniffed. The smell was subtle, almost unnoticeable. But I knew the plants of this forest, and this one particularly well.

‘Hemlock,’ I said. ‘He was trying to poison Lincoln.’

‘Nyko,’ Octavia ground out, and it took me a few seconds to realize this was the healer’s name. ‘Is it true?’

‘Yes,’ he answered, no hesitation or shame in his voice. ‘Death is the only way.’

Octavia winced, her hand tightening on Lincoln’s ankle.

‘Hold on,’ Clarke protested. ‘There could be a way to bring him back.’

‘None that I’ve ever seen,’ Nyko answered.

Suddenly, I heard rapid footsteps from the level below. I grabbed my dagger, but relaxed when Finn climbed up the ladder. I realized my mistake when Nyko jumped to his feet, fury contorting his features as he recognized the man who had murdered his people.

He roared, launching himself at Finn. He seized him by the throat, slamming him against the wall.

‘Get off him!’ Bellamy ordered.

But, if Nyko even heard him, he didn’t care. I shot forward, seizing his arm. I tried to pull, get him to let go of Finn, but he was strong, too strong. It was like trying to move a mountain.

‘You slaughtered my people,’ he hissed. ‘Elders, children…innocents.’

‘Nyko, you’re killing him!’ Octavia said as she tried to pull him away.

‘Blood must have blood!’ Nyko roared.

Finn was losing consciousness…but he wasn’t fighting back. He was pliant, his face blank as Nyko slowly killed him. Octavia was screaming at Bellamy, putting herself between the gun and Nyko as her brother ordered her to get out of the way. I kept pulling, my nails scratching at the healer’s scarred skin. Blood welled up beneath my fingertips, but still, he wouldn’t let go.

Suddenly, Clarke seized the shock baton. Nyko didn’t even see her as she approached, letting out a scream of pain and surprise as she electrocuted him. I was still touching him and I cried out as the electricity shot up my arm, jumping away from Nyko. He dropped to the floor with a grunt of pain and Bellamy stepped over him, taking my arm in his hands. It felt heavy, almost numb to the touch.

‘I’m fine,’ I said with a wince.

Bellamy’s eyes were boring into mine, doubt written all over his face. I gave him a small smile and he sighed harshly.

‘Don’t do that again, all right?’ he asked.

I was about to answer when Octavia gasped. We swirled around, only to see her drop to her knees next to Lincoln.

‘He’s not breathing,’ she whispered, her eyes widening.

Clarke ran forward, kneeling on Lincoln’s other side. She pressed the tip of her fingers to his neck, cursing after a few seconds.

‘His heart stopped,’ she said. ‘Move!’

Octavia obeyed as Clarke started pressing on Lincoln’s chest, attempting to revive him. I was paralyzed, could barely breathe as we all waited in tense silence for a sign that Lincoln was alive. From the corner of my eye, I saw Nyko studying Clarke intently.

Suddenly, Lincoln gasped and took in several shuddering breaths. I sighed, relief making me dizzy. Clarke had saved him.

‘He was dead,’ Nyko said, bewildered. ‘How did you do that?’

‘You’ve tried bringing Reapers back before?’ Clarke asked him, and he nodded. ‘They died like this.’ He nodded one more time and Clarke frowned.

‘What is it?’ Bellamy asked.

‘I know how to stop the attack,’ Clarke said.

‘What attack?’ I asked. Octavia looked up, confused as well.

Clarke filled us in on what had happened at Camp Jaha. My father had found the Commander, the leader of the Grounders. They had Thelonious Jaha imprisoned in a cell, and they had sent him back to our people to give them a message: leave or die. We only had a few hours left until the end of our allotted time. As for my father, they had kept him as a prisoner.

‘But he was alright?’ I asked, my heart clenching in my chest.

‘Yes. Or he was, when Jaha was taken away.’

‘He’ll be okay,’ Bellamy said, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder. ‘You Kanes are hard to kill.’

I smiled but it was empty. What was my father going through? Was he being tortured? Were they feeding him at all? Or had they just thrown him into a cell and tossed the key, letting him wither away and die?

‘Y/N,’ Bellamy insisted. ‘I know you’re worried. But we need you focused.’

I shook my head, chasing away all thoughts of my father. There was nothing I could do about it, so it was no use to worry.

‘Right,’ I said. ‘So, what’s the plan to stop the attack?’

‘Grounders probably realized the Reapers were their own people,’ Clarke theorized. ‘So it’s safe to assume they know Mount Weather is making them. Thanks to Nyko, we also know they’ve tried turning them back. And failed, after their hearts stopped. But we know how to bring people back to life. What if we only have to keep Reapers alive until whatever drug Mount Weather gives them comes out of their system?’

‘So what is this, then?’ I asked, pointing at Lincoln. ‘Withdrawal?’

‘I think so, yeah. Once it’s done, Lincoln will be back to normal. And if we show the Commander that we can turn Reapers back into men, she might call off the attack. Think about it! We could even ally against Mount Weather.’

Nyko hummed.

‘It could work. But the Commander will want proof.’

‘So we’ll show her Lincoln. We just have to make sure he’s back to himself before she arrives.’

‘That’s got to be the most dangerous plan you ever had,’ Octavia scoffed.

‘It’s the only one we have,’ Clarke said. ‘Alright. Finn and I will go back to camp. He will bring my mom here, and I’ll go talk to the Commander. Agreed?’

I nodded. Not because I was convinced by Clarke’s wonky plan, but because I had no better idea. Our lives now rested on one thing, and one thing only: Lincoln.

* * *

I watched as Octavia wept over Lincoln’s dead body, tears dropping onto his chest. Everything had gone wrong. Shortly after Abby had arrived to the dropship, Lincoln’s heart had stopped beating. CPR didn’t work, no matter how long or hard she tried to revive him. He was dead.

To make matters worse, the hatch opened, and Clarke came through. Behind her, several Grounders followed, including a young woman whom I could only assume to be the Commander. Octavia’s weeping was the only sound in the room as we all stared at each other, waiting for the fighting to begin, as it no doubt would.

We had failed. Lincoln, our last hope, was gone. Clarke’s bluff hadn’t worked.

‘Heda,’ one of the Grounders whispered.

The Commander looked at another woman and nodded.

‘Kill them all,’ the woman ordered.

We all moved at once. The Grounders pulled out swords and daggers as we grabbed whatever weapons we could find. I took my bow, knocking an arrow and drawing the string. I moved until I was standing in front of Octavia, who hadn’t moved at all. I had a feeling that even if a Grounder put a knife to her throat, she wouldn’t budge. And so I made myself a shield. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bellamy shift as well, his eyes glued on the Grounders.

‘Please,’ Clarke begged. ‘You don’t have to do this.’

‘You lied,’ the Commander snarled. ‘And you’re out of time.’

The Grounders were ready to attack, and I knew that even Bellamy’s rifle wouldn’t save us. Not this time. But suddenly, Abby did the last thing I would have expected. She turned on her shock baton and struck…at Lincoln’s chest. His body rose from the ground as electricity coursed through his system, and dropped back down.

The Grounders gaped at her actions, but Clarke had a wild frenzy in her eyes once more.

‘Hit him again,’ she said.

Abby did, and this time, Lincoln breathed in. I couldn’t believe it. How long had his heart stopped beating? How could he be alive? Octavia crawled to him, whispering his name as he turned his head to look at her.

‘Octavia…’ he breathed out. His eyes were a clear brown, far from the red of the Reapers.

‘It worked,’ I whispered, shocked to the core.

Lincoln was back to normal. And not only had Clarke and Abby saved his life…they had also saved the lives of every single person in Camp Jaha.


	8. Chapter 8

Things had happened quickly after Lincoln’s miraculous recovery. We were escorted back to Arkadia and Clarke left to negotiate with the Grounders’ commander, Lexa. Lincoln was escorted to the infirmary, and Octavia followed. I stayed outside, waiting with Bellamy and Raven.

‘It should be enough for a truce, right?’ Raven asked. ‘The whole thing with Lincoln, I mean.’

‘I hope so,’ I answered. ‘The Grounders seemed impressed. They’ve been fighting Reapers for decades, so knowing how to turn them back…it’s priceless.’

‘Enough for them to forget about Finn, I hope,’ Bellamy said.

We waited for a little more than two hours. Finally, the moonlight showed two Grounder riders escorting a blond girl back to Camp Jaha. Clarke was back. Bellamy, rifle trained on the Grounders, shouted at the other guards to hold their fire.

The riders stayed outside as Clarke entered, and the gates were shut once again. She grabbed Finn’s sleeve and dragged him further away as we followed, eager for information. We were quickly joined by Abby, who embraced her daughter. People watched, their faces tense.

‘What did the Commander say?’ Abby asked. ‘Is there a chance for peace?’

‘Yes,’ Clarke answered. But her face was dark.

‘What’s wrong?’ Finn asked.

Clarke turned to him, slowly, her eyes sad and defeated.

‘They want you. If we want a truce, we have to give them Finn.’

Whispers broke out around us, the crowd shifting on their feet as the information was passed around. Finn. Finn was all that stood between war and peace.

‘What are you talking about?’ Raven asked.

‘That’s their offer,’ Clarke answered.

‘That’s not an offer.’

‘It’s punishment,’ Finn whispered. ‘For what happened at the village. Blood for blood.’

‘That’s insane,’ Bellamy said.

‘If we refuse?’ Abby asked.

‘They attack,’ Clarke answered.

The crowd got restless. Shouts were heard, people screaming for us to give Finn up. Byrne and the other guards tried to calm things down, but the yells only got louder. I was painfully reminded of what had happened a few weeks ago, when Murphy was almost hung by an angry crowd.

‘Give him to the Grounders!’ a man roared, approaching Finn menacingly.

‘Back off!’ Raven shouted, shoving him away.

He went to shove her back, but a guard stopped him as Clarke dragged a struggling Raven away.

‘Raven, listen to me!’ she said. ‘Nothing is gonna happen to Finn. I promise, ok?’

‘Maybe,’ I began, and they both turned to me. I hesitated. ‘Maybe he should leave. Sneak out of camp.’

‘What?’ Clarke gasped. ‘They’ll hunt him down!’

‘At least he would have a chance!’ I argued.

‘How can you say that?’ Raven snapped. ‘We can’t give up on Finn. We have to protect him!’

‘Why?’ I said, my voice so low it was a wonder they heard me at all. ‘I’m not- I’m not saying he should die. But he killed people. He killed children! I don’t want to see more innocents die because of him.’

Raven’s face turned pale, anger simmering in her eyes. She looked at me with such loathing that I took a step back. I felt terrible, the words bitter in my mouth. But I was telling the truth, and I refused to back down.

‘He isn’t innocent, Raven,’ I insisted. ‘What he did…you weren’t there. You didn’t see. Nothing can excuse it. Dragging the rest of our people into  _his_ mess is a mistake. He should go.’

‘How dare you?’ Raven seethed. ‘You act as if he was alone! But you were there too, Y/N.’

‘I tried to stop him.’

‘But you didn’t! You’re as much to blame as he is. He might have killed people, but so did you!’

I stumbled away from Raven, air catching in my throat, heart hammering against my ribs. She opened her mouth, but before any words could come out, I was stumbling away. There was a dull roar in my ears, muting all but the faint echo of memories. The sound of bullets piercing skin filled my head as I made my way to my cabin, half-blind with tears.

I had done nothing. Nothing, as innocents died around me. Raven was right, it was my fault. I was just as guilty as Finn. Maybe even more. A broken sound tore out of my throat at the thought. I ran faster and sobbed in relief when I finally reached my door. I threw it open, stormed inside and slammed it close.

I couldn’t breathe. My entire body was tense, limbs shaking as I paced in the small room. I could barely think. The memories in my head were too loud, too violent for any rational thought to filter through.

The door opened, and Bellamy entered the room. His jaw was clenched, hands tightened into fists at his side. There was a deep, sharp anger in his eyes. There it was, proof that he blamed me as well. Was he here to yell at me, like Raven had? Had they decided to give me to the Grounders, to save Finn? I inhaled sharply, my throat burning as I desperately tried not to break down.

‘I’m sorry,’ I choked out, my eyes glued to the ground. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Bellamy shifted, but I couldn’t stand to look at him. He stayed silent and I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

‘It wasn’t supposed to happen this way,’ I whispered. I lifted my hands to my face, and in the harsh light of the cabin, I could have sworn they were stained red. ‘Oh God, what did I do?’

I rubbed my hands together, trying to get those stains to fade. But it only made them redder and redder.

‘Y/N,’ Bellamy called quietly.

I heard him, distantly, as if I was underwater. But I couldn’t stop, and angry red lines appeared on my skin as my nails racked over it. The pain was almost a relief, drawing me away from the memories.

‘Y/N, stop,’ Bellamy ordered. He took my hands in his, thumbs smoothing over my inflamed palms. ‘Look at me.’

My eyes stayed fixed on the ground, and he hooked a finger under my chin, lifting my head until I was forced to look up. I stopped breathing, the anticipation of what he was about to say eating me alive.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ he whispered, and my heart skipped a beat. ‘There was nothing you could have done. I talked to Murphy. I know you tried to stop Finn, you both did. But short of shooting him…I don’t think you could have. He was too far gone.’

‘I can’t,’ I choked out. ‘I can’t take that as an excuse, Bell. People died. Innocent people. And now, there’s an army outside our gates and they’re going to slaughter us all. Maybe…maybe I should have shot him.’

‘Maybe,’ he said, his words strained. ‘But…would have been able to look at yourself in a mirror afterwards?’

I didn’t bother telling him that I hadn’t been able to look at my reflection for quite a while. But he must have seen it in my eyes because his face softened. He let go of my hands, only to rest his fingers on the side of my neck. I shivered at the feather-light touch.

‘You can’t torture yourself like that,’ he whispered. ‘It doesn’t matter whose fault it was because it happened anyway. All you can do is accept it and move on. You have to keep fighting, Sunshine. Or all the people we’ve lost, our friends, died for nothing. Charlotte wouldn’t want you to give up.’

The pain that tore through me at the sound of her name was staggering in its intensity. I hadn’t thought about her in a long time, pushing my grief and pain away in a dark corner of my mind. I screwed my eyes shut, trying to will the tears away, and pushed Bellamy as far as I could. He stumbled backwards, barely catching himself.

‘Why would you say her name?’ I seethed.

‘I’m sorry. But you know it’s true. She would want you to keep fighting.’

‘She’s dead!’ I yelled, all pretence of control disappearing. ‘She doesn’t want anything. All that’s left of her is a body, rotting away. I failed her, like I failed the Grounders, like I failed my grand-mother and everyone in my life. So don’t you come here and tell me to move on, Bellamy Blake. I don’t  _deserve_  to move on.’

Bellamy’s eyes were wide, his mouth open in shock. But I didn’t care. I was furious. At him, at myself, at my father for sending me to the ground, at everyone. I was eighteen years old. I wasn’t supposed to be dealing with armies, bombs and death.

With a scream of rage, I sent my fist careening into the wall. The metal bit harshly into my knuckles, pain radiating through my arm. I didn’t care. I hit the wall one more time, then another, and another, until my skin tore, and my throat burned.

An arm wound around my waist, pulling me away from the wall. Bellamy. I twisted in his arms and hammered his chest with my fists. He grunted, but only tightened his grip.

‘Let me go!’ I roared.

‘I can’t!’

‘Why?! Why can’t you leave me alone?’

I stopped fighting him and lifted my head to look at him, breathing harshly. He was staring at me, his jaw clenched, his dark eyes filled with anger. I was about to push him away when he did the last thing I could have expected.

He dipped his head and kissed me. I froze, my eyes wide open. He pressed his lips against mine, the touch as soft as the wind. Once, twice. Three times, and then drew back. I gaped as he let go of me, staying close but no longer touching me. He looked afraid, tense, as if he was expecting me to fight him again. Some part of me wanted to. The other, the one that had been dreaming of a kiss from Bellamy for months, that part was quiet. Assessing. Wondering.

I touched my lower lip with a trembling finger, and Bellamy sighed.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’

‘No,’ I whispered. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

And then, I surged forward. Bellamy caught me, eyes wide in both fear and anticipation, as I kissed him. The kiss wasn’t soft, like his had been. There was nothing romantic about it. It was violent, clashing teeth and sore lips, fingers tugging on both hair and clothes. Bellamy groaned, a rumbling sound that echoed in my bones as he closed his arms around my waist and kissed me back.

There. This was what I needed. A distraction from the memories that haunted me. I knew, deep down, that I was making a mistake. I loved Bellamy, I loved him with all I had. I had thought about what it would be like to be with him before. I had fantasized about a romantic night, passionate and full of love. But this…this was wrong. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

Not when he bit down my neck, pain and pleasure mixing into something both terrifying and wonderful. I pushed him until the back of his legs hit the bed, and he sat down, chest heaving. He looked up, eyes dark with lust, as I took off my shirt. With a snarl, Bellamy then tugged on my waist until I collapsed on his lap, one leg on either side of him.

Another man might have asked me if I was sure, argued that I wasn’t in my right mind, that I would regret it later. It would have been the right thing to do. But Bellamy didn’t, and I was immeasurably grateful for it. He didn’t say a word, not when I tore off his shirt or when he undid my bra. He didn’t ask for permission to slip off my pants either, fingers digging into the soft skin of my thighs. I didn’t ask when I pushed him onto his back, kissing him with a passion that I could only describe as punitive.

I forgot everything, from the armies outside our gates to my missing father. I forgot who I was as the sheets tangled around my legs, as the bed rocked against the wall. I forgot it all, and it was glorious. Afterwards, as I gasped for breath, Bellamy besides me, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Or as if someone had put a lid over the mess that was my mind. And as I fell asleep, curled against Bellamy’s chest, I realized that for the first time in years…I was at peace.

* * *

I woke up several hours later, stretching lazily, a small smile on my lips. I was in an excellent mood, the kind that I hadn’t seen for months. My body was pleasantly sore, showing the signs of what had happened the night before. My eyes still closed, I reached over the small bed, expecting to find warm skin. I only touched cold sheets.

My eyes snapped open. The bed was empty, and when I sat up, my vision still blurry, I realized that I was alone.

‘Bellamy?’ I called.

There was only silence. I stood up, pulling the sheets around me in a makeshift robe and made my way to the bathroom. But when I opened the door, I realized there was no one inside. Bellamy was gone.

Hurt flared in my chest, followed quickly by embarrassment. But I shook it off. It didn’t mean anything. The Grounder army was still waiting for us to give up Finn, and war was imminent. Bellamy was needed out there, and although I would have preferred for him to wake me up or leave a note, I couldn’t blame him for leaving.

I got dressed, smiling as I noticed a few love bites scattered around my body. I schooled my features in a blank expression before I left, though. It wouldn’t be appropriate to get out and be seen smiling when death was upon us.

I stepped outside the building, and my mood was quickly darkened as I saw the hopelessness of people’s faces. The Grounder army was still out there, waiting. So were the riders at the gate.

I still thought that Finn leaving was the best option. It was heartless, but there were children in this camp. They didn’t deserve to die because of one man’s mistake. And Raven was right in a way, it was my fault too. If the Grounders had wanted me as well, then I wouldn’t hesitate. I would leave, to spare my people from more pain. Finn should as well.

I spotted Bellamy in the crowd and smiled. But as I made my way to him, I was surprised at how cold his face had turned when he saw me.

‘You alright?’ I asked, laying a hand on his arm.

He stepped back, and my hand fell. I frowned.

‘Bellamy?’

‘You should get back inside,’ he said, and his voice was so devoid of emotions that I shivered. ‘It isn’t safe here.’

It was a dismissal, as clear as I had ever heard one. But I refused to leave.

‘Bellamy, what’s wrong?’ I insisted.

‘Nothing’s wrong,’ he said. ‘You should go.’

Dread crept up my spine. He was acting as if we were strangers. As if he didn’t remember what had happened the night before. As if it hadn’t meant anything.

‘But-’

‘Look,’ he sighed. ‘It’s fine. We both needed to let off some steam. It was good, but now that it’s over with, we should stay away from each other. It’s better this way. We can’t afford sentimentality.’

I inhaled sharply. My throat closed up, my eyes burned, but I thought the tears. I couldn’t cry. Not like this.

‘Why are you doing this?’ I whispered, for fear my voice would break.

But Bellamy didn’t answer. He looked at me one last time and left. I stayed behind, my eyes glued to the ground. I felt small, and stupid, and disgusting. Embarrassed that I had let my feelings get the better of me. I had been so blind. Here I’d thought he might have been just as in love with me as I was in love with me. Oh, how wrong I’d been.

I was just another Raven. A friend of his, in need of a good lay. And now that he’d provided that, he was gone. How stupid had I been to expect anything different?

‘Y/N?’ someone asked. ‘You okay?’

I turned, swallowing my tears. Octavia was staring at me, confusion filling her eyes.

‘How much did you hear?’ I asked, my voice small and weak.

‘Enough,’ she answered. ‘But I don’t understand. I thought Bellamy was crazy about you. What happened?’

‘We were both wrong,’ I said. ‘That’s what happened.’

Octavia looked furious. But before she could say anything else, a strange noise rose from the woods. Thousands of Grounders were shouting. Repeating the same words, over and over again. Blood must have blood.

It was starting.

I pushed Bellamy away from my mind. Forgot about my feelings, about the memories of the previous night. I had to stay focused on the present, and on the imminent threat.

Octavia nodded, and we headed for the gates. She had her machete in her hand, I had my bow. Whatever was coming, we would not go down easily.

Abby soon joined us and ordered the guards to open the gate. She stepped outside, staring down the two riders.

‘Where’s the boy?’ the one on the right asked, his words distorted by the mask he was wearing.

‘We’re not giving him up,’ Abby answered firmly. ‘We’re ready to fight, if that’s what it comes to.’

Suddenly, a horn was heard. Not the kind that announced acid fog, or any I’d ever heard. The riders turned their horses around and galloped back to the forest without another word.

‘Watch the woods!’ Bellamy ordered. ‘Watch for movement!’

I refused to look at him. Instead, I kept my eyes fixed on the trees, my hand clenched around my bow. Only mere seconds later, I saw a shape step out of the darkness. It was a man, and he was walking towards us with his hands raised.

‘Don’t shoot!’ the man shouted, and I stopped breathing. I knew that voice. I knew it better than I knew my own.

It was my father.

I let go of my bow and it fell in the mud, but I couldn’t care less. I started running. Hands tried to grab me, keep me back, but I escaped them and ran for the man.

‘Dad!’ I shouted.

My father smiled widely as he recognized me and opened his arms. I crashed into him, my hands clutching his jacket as I laughed. Or perhaps I was crying. I couldn’t tell.

‘You’re okay!’ I exclaimed. ‘You’re okay, oh god, you’re okay. I thought you were dead!’

He pressed a kiss to my forehead, his arms wound tight around my back.

‘I’m alright, kiddo. I’m just happy to be back.’

He pulled back and cupped my chin, raising my head so he could look at me in the eye. His face had grown serious.

‘Don’t think you’re out of the woods, though,’ he said. ‘We’re having words later. I haven’t forgotten about you running off.’

I laughed. It was such a ridiculous thing to say, when there was an army outside about to slaughter us all. But it was comforting, as well, in its normalcy.

‘Come on, let’s get inside.’

He kept an arm around my shoulders as we turned, entering the camp, and I clutched at his jacket, afraid to let go for even one second. We stopped in front of Abby, who was looking at my father with so much emotions in her eyes that it shocked me.

‘Marcus,’ she said, and although her voice was steady, her hands shook.

‘Chancellor,’ my father answered. I twisted my head, so I could look at his face, and I smiled. He was looking at Abby Griffin the same way he used to look at my mother. With surprise, as if he couldn’t quite believe she was real. And although I knew that could be attributed to the fact that he had been captured by Grounders, there was something genuine underneath.

I slipped away from underneath his arm, stepping closer to Clarke. My father and Abby exchanged a few more words, never looking away from the other.

‘I thought I’d never see the day,’ I whispered.

Clarke didn’t need to ask what I was talking about. She knew. And although there was sadness on her face, there was relief as well.

My father soon explained that he had managed to buy us some time. He left with Abby to talk about a solution, and I stayed outside.

Their meeting lasted for hours. The people around me grew more and more restless, fear making them angrier with each passing second. They were going to turn on Finn soon, I had no doubt about it. These were parents, brothers, sisters, wives and husbands. They would protect their loved ones at all costs. And who was I to tell them they were wrong? If Finn didn’t leave soon, he wouldn’t have to worry about the Grounders. Our people would get to him first.

In the end, it seemed he had reached that conclusion as well.

‘We’re leaving,’ Bellamy said.

He had joined me outside, fuming. He believed Abby was about to give Finn up.

It was hard to remain impassive, in the face of all that had happened between us the night before, but I was stubborn. I would  _not_ show weakness.

‘Good,’ I said. ‘Finn isn’t safe here.’

‘We’re going to the dropship,’ Bellamy told me. ‘Come on.’

I stayed put. When he realized I wasn’t following him, he turned to me, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ I said.

‘What? Y/N, Finn needs us.’

‘No. Our people need us. I won’t abandon them, not when the Grounders might attack any second. There are innocents here. Finn is  _not_  innocent, and I won’t put him before them.’

‘I thought he was your friend.’

‘He is. But that doesn’t change anything. I can’t afford sentimentality. Isn’t that what you said?’

Bellamy flinched. I stayed strong, unwavering. I knew I was making the right choice, and nothing he could say would convince me otherwise.

‘Go,’ I said when he kept silent. ‘Keep him safe, if you can. Hopefully, the Grounders will leave us alone when they realize he’s gone. If they do, I’ll find you. I promise.’

Bellamy took a deep breath. He seemed conflicted, and I felt sorry for him.

‘Stay safe,’ he choked out.

He turned on his heels and was out of my sight in a matter of seconds. I sighed, letting the mask fall. My hands were shaking, my knees buckling. I stumbled to a crate and sat down, burying my face in my hands.

‘Y/N?’

I looked up. My father was staring at me, his eyes kind. He sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

‘It’s going to be alright,’ he said. ‘There will be no battle.’

I laughed, but it was a weak and broken sound.

‘I’m not scared of dying,’ I said. ‘Or killing. I’ve got so much blood on my hands, Dad. What’s a little more?’

My father saw through the façade right away.

‘The massacre was  _not_ your fault,’ he said firmly. ‘There was only one person who pulled the trigger, and it wasn’t you. That is all that matters.’

‘They still died.’

‘Yes. And you will carry that weight the rest of your days. But you didn’t kill them, sweetheart. Let go of the guilt. It will only drag you down.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Yes, you can. You just have to allow yourself to do so. It won’t be easy, and it will take time. But you will get there. Trust me.’

I smiled, thanking him without words. Suddenly, things didn’t seem so terrible. Not when my father was here. Bellamy, the Grounders, the village…it all faded away. The sun was going down, golden light shining on the fields. It was beautiful. And I felt at peace.

* * *

Peace, as it turned out, would last. But the cost would be high.

Finn had turned himself in, slipping away from the dropship. A defeated Clarke had told me that he had tricked them. All they had been able to do was watch as he was taken by the Grounders and come back to camp. Night had fallen, but the torches from the Grounder army shone and we all saw as Finn was tied to a post at the edge of the woods.

‘They want us to watch,’ Clarke said in a hollow voice.

‘We’ll get him,’ Bellamy said. ‘We’ll get in close and we’ll hit them hard.’

‘Son,’ my father answered gently. ‘There’s thousands of them. Even if we could kill hundreds, they’d still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die.’

‘We have to try,’ Bellamy insisted, his eyes frantic.

The urge to reach out and grab his hand was strong, but I resisted. Barely. Raven turned to Abby, calling the doctor’s name in a desperate plea. But Abby looked at her and shook her head.

Clarke’s face turned dark. She slipped away, and Raven, Bellamy and I followed. Clarke took out her dagger and gave it to Bellamy as she headed for the gates.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked.

‘I’m gonna talk to the Commander.’

‘What else do you have to say?’

‘I don’t know!’ she exclaimed, raising her voice. ‘I- I don’t know.’

Bellamy called her name, but even he had nothing to say and he closed his mouth, his brows furrowed. Raven stepped forward, pressing something into Clarke’s hand.

It was a blade, small and thin, and invisible once slipped into Clarke’s sleeve.

‘Raven, no,’ I said.

‘If she won’t let him go,’ Raven told Clarke, ignoring me, ‘kill her. Things will go crazy and we’ll grab you and Finn. Clarke, you have to help him. I owe him my life.’

It was an insane plan. But Clarke nodded, and I couldn’t find it in me to tell her that she would only get herself killed if she tried to harm the Commander. Like Raven, I was clinging into one last hope: that Clarke would be able to persuade the Grounders to let Finn go.

Clarke slipped out of the gates, heading for the woods as we watched.

‘I hope you’re happy,’ Raven snapped, glaring at me.

‘I never wanted this,’ I said. ‘I didn’t want him to die. I was just trying to protect our people.’

Raven scoffed.

‘You’re a hypocrite,’ she glared. ‘You deserve to be out there just as much as Finn.’

‘Raven,’ Bellamy said, his voice low and dangerous.

‘It’s okay,’ I smiled ruefully. ‘She’s not wrong.’

Bellamy looked like he wanted to argue, but I turned away before he could. I would deal with Raven after Finn was either saved or killed. All I could do was hope that our friendship hadn’t been destroyed irrecoverably.

We watched as Clarke approached the Grounders, as she crossed their ranks until she stood in front of the Commander’s general. We watched as she was kept back by a spear, as she moved forward anyway and as blood stained her shirt.

‘Let her pass!’ the Commander ordered.

Clarke stepped forward. We couldn’t hear what they said to each other, we were too far away. All we could do was wait.

‘Come on, Clarke, do it,’ Raven said next to me, shaking.

Clarke, to my relief, did not try to stab the Commander. Instead, she walked away and headed for Finn.

‘What is she doing?’ Raven whispered.

Clarke ran for Finn and embraced him. Kissed him. Next to me, Raven breathed in sharply. We watched as Clarke embraced Finn, tightly and his head fell to her neck.

‘Something’s wrong,’ Bellamy whispered.

And he was right. When Clarke stepped away, there was something metallic in her hand. And Finn was slumped forward, unmoving. A dark stain was growing on his shirt.

‘Oh God,’ I whispered.

She had killed him. She had used Raven’s blade and killed him, before the Grounders could.

Raven was shaking, tears sliding down her face as she slowly realized what had happened. She then screamed, the sound raw and filled with so much pain that I couldn’t bear it. She slid to the ground, Bellamy catching her as she broke down.

Finn Collins was dead, and our truce with the Grounders had begun.


	9. Chapter 9

The truce began with a journey to the Grounder village of Tondc. As per Lexa’s terms, Finn’s body would burn alongside the victims of the massacre. Clarke had asked me to come. I had no desire to go back to that place, but I hadn’t been able to refuse. Not when her eyes were still red, and her hands stained with blood.

Even so, I doubted I would receive a warm welcome in that village. I wished Murphy were here. He’d seen Finn’s madness, had witnessed the deaths of those innocent people. I hated the guy, and would most likely never forgive him for what he’d done to Charlotte, for what he’d tried to do to Bellamy. And yet, I couldn’t deny I felt a sort of kinship with him. But I was alone, and I had to deal with it. So I walked in silence, and kept my eyes to the ground. Each time I looked up, I would find a Grounder glaring at me, or muttering what were unmistakably threats under their breaths.

Bellamy was here as well. He walked ahead of me, his hands tight around his gun. I found myself staring at the back of his head, more often that I liked. We hadn’t talked at all in the hours since we’d left Camp Jaha. To be honest, I had no desire to do so. Not until I no longer felt embarrassment and anger whenever I saw him.

I had never been in love before. A few crushes here and there, but nothing to the magnitude of what I felt for Bellamy. And to have those feelings thrown in my face…it hurt. It hurt so bad. But it had taught me one valuable lesson: to never let anyone have that kind of power on me again.

‘Y/N,’ my father said as he walked next to me. ‘Are you feeling alright? You’ve been quiet all morning.’

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ground. But my father would have none of it. He grabbed my arm gently, forcing me to look at him.

‘You don’t have to pretend with me, kiddo.’

I sighed, giving up. It was no use lying to the man who had raised me. He knew me better than I knew myself.

‘It’s just…a bit much, you know?’ I said, keeping my voice down. ‘My friends are locked up in that mountain, and I don’t know if they’re alive, if they’re being harmed or if they think we gave up on them. Finn just died, and Clarke had to kill him herself. Then, there’s that truce. I’m worried it won’t hold for long. Scared it’ll break before we can rescue everyone from Mount Weather. And even if we do get our people back, what comes after? Will the truce evolve into an alliance, or will we go back to slaughtering each other?’

My father shook his head, chuckling. I furrowed my brows, wondering what, among all I’d said, was worthy of laughter.

‘You sound just like me,’ he said, his eyes fond. ‘I would always worry above every little thing that could go wrong, long before it did. It drove your mother mad.’

I swallowed, my eyes burning. How long had it been since he’d mentioned my mother in my presence? Nine years? Ten? She had always been a forbidden subject in our family. But it seemed that, just like me, my father had changed.

‘Do you want to know what she said to me, when I worried too much?’ my father continued.

I nodded.

‘She said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Do you understand?’

‘Not really.’

‘It’s no use worrying too much about the future. Deal with what’s in front of you first, then, the problem that comes after. Before you know it, you’ll have accomplished more than you ever thought you could.’

I smiled at my father, the first smile on my lips in what seemed like years.

‘I’ll try,’ I said.

‘That’s all I’m asking.’

He put an arm around my shoulders and held me tightly against his side, dropping a loving kiss on the top of my head. For a second, I allowed myself the comfort of his fatherly embrace. Then, I stepped out of his arms and walked with a new resolve. He was right. I would worry about the truce and Mount Weather later. For now, all I had to do was get out of this trip alive.

 

We arrived at Tondc the next day. I hadn’t slept well. Even in the relative safety of my tent, which I shared with my father, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong. I tossed and turned for hours, and only closed my eyes for a few minutes at a time. When the sun finally rose above the horizon, I was not in a good mood. It didn’t improve when I realized that Bellamy had slept next to Clarke.

I hated that I felt jealous of every girl he looked at, even after being thoroughly humiliated by him. This wasn’t me. I was supposed to be stronger than this. But I couldn’t help it. And I felt so alone. Raven blamed me for Finn’s death. Octavia kept throwing me strange looks, and I knew that if I spoke to her, she would ask me about Bellamy. And Clarke… I’d tried to talk to her. But it was painfully obvious nothing I could say would make her feel better.

Finally, after hours of walking in complete silence, we reached the village. Lexa and her right-hand man, Gustus, dismounted, and we were ordered to give up our weapons. Lincoln moved without hesitation, handing Gustus his dagger.

‘We need to disarm before we enter,’ Lincoln explained.

I handed my bow and quiver, as well as the knife I kept in a holster on my thigh. I felt almost naked, without the reassuring weight of my weapons. If anything went wrong inside the village…I would have nothing to defend myself with. And, God, I hated it.

Gustus moved to Raven, who glared at him, fury in her eyes. She made no move to disarm, and only stared at him as he took her rifle and blades from her himself. He turned her around, taking another knife from her backpack. Finally, he declared that we were good to go.

The group walked towards the village. For a second, my legs were frozen and pure panic filled me. I couldn’t get inside. I could hear the screams of the people Finn had gunned down, the people I’d failed to save. I could see the earth stained with crimson blood.

Then, there was a hand on the small of my back, warm and steady. I inhaled sharply, raising my head and found Bellamy’s eyes boring into my own. They seemed darker than usual, and my heart hammered in my chest. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he understood. And I knew, he had my back. No matter what had happened between us, I could count on him. I didn’t know if that made me love him or hate him more.

‘Stay close,’ he said gruffly.

Finally, I moved forward. Bellamy dropped his hand from my back, but he stayed by my side, his eyes full of fire. Octavia looked back at us and frowned, shooting me an inquisitive look. I shrugged. I had no idea what was going on in her brother’s head either.

The people of Tondc were, at first, elated to see their Commander. They cheered, broad smiles on their lips, eyes alight with wonder. That all stopped as soon as they saw us. There was a hollow silence as they realized our hands were free of bonds. That we weren’t prisoners, but allies of Lexa. Then, the shouting started. I didn’t need to speak their tongue to understand that we were being insulted.

I kept my head down, and Bellamy angled his body so he could shield me from view as much as possible. My father came on the other side, doing the same. I felt like a child, and yet, I was grateful for the protection.

Lexa stopped, and I looked above Bellamy’s shoulder. There was a man in front of her, his eyes full of fury. He spat out words in Trigedasleng. The people around us nodded in agreement, and stepped closer to our group. My father gripped my elbow, his fingers digging into the skin. To ground himself, as much as to make sure I was still there.

Gustus gave a command to the man, the tone clear. But when the man kept talking, Lexa gave a nod to Gustus. He shot forward and sent his fist crashing into the man’s jaw. There was a cracking sound, and the man fell down. Gustus didn’t stop there. He knelt on his victim’s chest, and kept pounding him, again and again. The villagers fell silent, horrified. Yet, none moved to help him.

Clarke then stepped up to Lexa’s side.

‘Commander,’ she said, ‘stop him. Please. They’ll blame us for this too.’

Lexa hesitated for a short second. Then, she gave a command and Gustus stepped back. The poor man was helped to his feet, and shot a glare in Lexa’s direction. But she had already turned away, facing the rest of the villagers.

‘The Sky People march with us now,’ she said, staring down the crowd. ‘Anyone who tries to stop that will pay with their life.’

The crowd was silent, and Lexa turned around, satisfied. Bellamy shook his head, letting out a relieved breath.

‘Warm welcome,’ he said.

‘Can you blame them?’ I shot back.

He looked at me strangely, but before he could answer, my father steered me forward. It was time for the ritual. In the center of the village, a pyre had already been built. And all around, leaning on the woods, were the eighteen victims of the massacres. They were wrapped in cloth, from their heads to their toes, and yet…and yet, I thought I recognized some of them. Finn was soon placed on top.

‘Deep breaths,’ my father whispered in my ear. ‘One step at a time.’

I managed to move until I was standing with the rest of our group, and my father put his arm around my shoulders. Abby, on the other side, took my hand. Lexa stepped up on a platform, and began to speak in Trigedasleng. The village was silent, listening to her words.

‘People of Tondc,’ Lincoln said in a low, sad voice. Translating Lexa’s speech. ‘In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past.’

Clarke breathed in shakily, her eyes glistening with tears. She watched as Lexa was handed a torch, and her eyes widened when the Commander called her name. The Grounders shifted uneasily on their feet, realizing that Lexa intended for Clarke to burn the bodies. A bold gesture. But Clarke obeyed, and stepped on the platform, grasping the torch.

‘Yu gonplei ste odon,’ she said as she lit the pyre. Your fight is over.

Soon, the smell of burnt flesh filled the air. My eyes watered, but I refused to look away. And as the bodies of Finn, and the victims of the massacre fell to ash, I breathed out. It felt like a page of my life has just been turned, taking what was left of my innocence with it. I didn’t mind. The person I was before…I had been a child. I was different now, older and stronger. It remained to see if it was better…or worse.

‘Y/N,’ Octavia said as the fire died away, an eternity later. ‘Come on. The Grounders set up a banquet.’

I wasn’t hungry. Witnessing bodies being burned tended to take away one’s appetite. But still, I followed my friends as we were led down a set of stairs, into an underground vast room. There was a long table, laden with food and drinks. The Grounders stood on my side, my friends on the other. I stood next to my father, and my heart jostled when Bellamy took his place on my other side.

My father took out a bottle of moonshine, wrapped in cloth, from his jacket.

‘Please accept this gift, commander,’ he said respectfully. ‘We drink this at special occasions. I believe this qualifies.’

Gustus took it first, then handed it to Lexa. She studied the bottle, and I could see curiosity shining in her eyes.

‘Thank you, Marcus of the sky people,’ she said.

‘You’re welcome, Lexa,’ my father answered, before saying in Trigedasleng: ‘Kom Trikru. Just don’t drink too much of it.’

Lexa nodded, and turned to Clarke.

‘Let us drink together,’ she said to my blond friend.

‘It would be my pleasure.’

A man brought two metal cups, which Gustus set on the table. Lexa poured some moonshine into both of them, and handed one of the cups to Clarke. She gave the other to Gustus. For a second, I was confused, until I realized he would drink first to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. I knew it wasn’t, but my heart still raced in my chest as he took a sip.

Satisfied, he then gave it back to Lexa.

‘Tonight, we celebrate our newfound peace,’ she said. ‘Tomorrow, we plan our war. To those we’ve lost and to those we shall soon find.’

Lexa and Clarke lifted the cups to their lips. But suddenly, Gustus groaned and fell forward, pain twisting his features into a scowl. He coughed, and stumbled backwards.

‘It’s poison!’ A Grounder shouted.

Bellamy ran to Clarke and knocked her cup out of her hands. Not that I thought she was going to drink from it now.

‘It was the sky people!’ Indra roared, unsheathing her sword.

‘This wasn’t us!’ Clarke yelled as the Grounders surrounded our group. ‘You have to know this wasn’t us!’

Lexa shouted something in Trigedasleng, and we were shoved around as the Grounders started searching our pockets, our bags, everything for a trace of the poison.

‘Gustus warned me about you,’ Lexa seethed, ‘but I didn’t listen. Tell me something, Clarke. When you plunged the knife into the heart of the boy you loved, did you not wish that it was mine?’

Clarke, damned her honesty, stayed silent, horror in her eyes. They were interrupted by a Grounder calling for Lexa’s attention. He had pulled a vial from Raven’s coat, and sniffed it suspiciously.

‘That’s not mine!’ Raven protested. ‘I’m telling you, that’s not mine! He put it there when he searched me!’

Lexa stared at the vial for a tense few seconds. And when she lifted her head, there was a new resolve in her eyes.

‘No sky person leaves this room!’ she roared.

The Grounders followed her up the stairs, one by one. Indra, the general, was the last. Lincoln tried to talk to her, but she spat something in his face and closed the bars behind her. I resisted the urge to scream. How had I not realized that the room the banquet was supposed to be held in…could also double up as a cell?

 

We stayed locked up in that room for what seemed like hours. Bellamy was restless. He kept circling the room, shaking the bars and trying to open the few windows, prowling like a lion in cage. The rest of us weren’t doing any better. Clarke, especially. She’d fought with Raven, got a fist to the face from the mechanic. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she’d argued with her mother.

I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how. The best I could do was sit beside her in silence, one of my hand laced with hers. My father approached us, his eyes kind and soft.

‘Tearing each other and yourself apart isn’t a way to get through this,’ he said to Clarke, but he shot me a heavy look as well.

My father, always noticing everything. I shook my head, bitterly amused as he sat down on Clarke’s other side.

‘Lexa needs this alliance just as much as we do,’ he continued. ‘She’s shown herself to be flexible. She listens to you.’

‘She thinks we tried to kill her,’ Clarke answered.

‘But we know we didn’t. So let’s figure out who did. Who would want her dead?’

Lincoln scoffed.

‘Too many to count,’ he said. ‘Forming an alliance with you was a risk, especially after what Finn did to this village.’

‘So it had to be someone trying to break the alliance,’ Octavia added.

Before we could discuss it more, the door behind us creaked open. I shot to my feet, and joined my friends as we huddled together. Away from Nyko, Indra and the Grounders who’d just come inside.

‘How’s Gustus?’ Lincoln asked.

‘He will live,’ Nyko answered darkly.

Indra ordered something in Trigedasleng, and the other Grounders shot forward, heading straight for Raven. My friends protested, claiming Raven’s innocence.

‘I argued for all of you to die,’ Indra spat, ‘but the Commander is merciful. She wants only one.’

‘She’s innocent,’ Lincoln protested.

‘I don’t care,’ Indra roared. She then looked at the other Grounders, and said: ‘They move, they bleed.’

They grabbed Raven, hauling her forward as Octavia and Bellamy tried to hold her back. I was frozen. My mind raced, faster than ever, trying to find a way out of this hopeless situation. I had faith that Clarke and the others could figure out who had poisoned Gustus. Or perhaps it wasn’t faith. Perhaps it was just a desperate hope, because I knew it was the only option.

But they needed time. And I could give them that.

‘Wait,’ I said firmly.

Everyone stopped. The Grounders, my friends, Raven. They all stared at me. My voice had been filled with authority, like never before. But I knew it wouldn’t last long.

I remembered my mother, sacrificing herself to save Tesla Station. I’d always resented her for putting everyone before her. For allowing herself to die, while I was left behind without a mother.

I understood, now. And I knew what I had to do.

‘It was me,’ I said. ‘I tried to poison Lexa.’

‘Y/N, don’t-’ Bellamy protested.

‘Shut the hell up,’ I snapped.

He obeyed, his eyes widening. But I could see the conflict in his eyes, and my father’s hand on my arm had gotten painfully tight.

‘I don’t believe you,’ Indra said, stepping closer. ‘You lie to save your friend. It is foolish.’

‘I’m not lying. You want to know what was in that bottle? White snakeroot and deadly nightshade. Causes abdominal pain, nausea and is lethal to most people. Gustus is strong, to have survived it.’

Indra looked at Nyko, who nodded reluctantly. Just like I’d hoped, the healer knew the plants I was talking about. He knew they would make a potent poison. Even if the moonshine had been laced with something completely different, the symptoms were similar enough.

‘Why?’ Nyko asked. ‘Why would you want to poison Lexa?’

‘Because…because with the Commander dead, the alliance between the Grounders would be over. I was hoping you would go to war among yourselves, and my people could flee. All I had to do was go in the woods and collect the plants. Took me ten minutes at most. I put the poison in the bottle last night and let it soak for a couple hours, while my father was asleep.’

I knew Indra didn’t believe me. I could see it in her eyes. But she knew I’d been standing beside Finn while he massacred her people. And I was betting on the fact that she wanted me dead a lot more than she did Raven.

‘Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?’ Bellamy asked. His face was white with fury.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, staring at my shoes. ‘I only did what was best for our people.’

I then turned to Indra.

‘Let Raven go,’ I asked. ‘She’s innocent.’

Indra hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded. The Grounder holding Raven pushed her forward, and I caught her in my arms. Before she could move away, I held her tight, and whispered in her ear.

‘Find out who did this,’ I said. ‘Get proof that it wasn’t us. And, please, do it quickly.’

Then, as I felt her nod against my shoulder, I gently pushed her away. Her eyes were wide as she realized what I was doing for her.

‘Take her,’ Indra ordered.

The Grounders seized my arms roughly, pulling me towards the stairs. I didn’t fight them. My father was screaming, and Bellamy was trying to get to me. But I refused to look at them. Hopefully, they knew I hadn’t really poisoned the moonshine.

‘I’ll kill you!’ Bellamy roared. ‘I’ll kill you all!’

‘Try,’ Indra seethed. ‘The rest of you are free. When she’s dead, so is the alliance. You should run.’

 

I was having second thoughts. There was a difference between being willing to die to save a friend, and actually be faced with a crowd of angry Grounders who all wanted to stab me. Indra had explained briefly to Lexa why Raven wasn’t the one being tied up to the post, and the Commander had nodded. But there was doubt in her eyes.

I was terrified. But I couldn’t regret my actions. I had chosen to take Raven’s place. And that meant that, however bad the pain got, I could take it. I had to. If I hadn’t said anything, if she’d been the one tied to that post…then, once again, I would have been just a witness to a massacre. And I couldn’t bear it.

‘I take no joy in this, Y/N,’ Lexa said, her tone dark. ‘But this time, justice will be done.’

I kept quiet. The villagers were staring at me, hatred in their eyes. I knew they recognized me. Some were holding their blades a little too tightly for my taste.

Lexa lifted her knife, resting it on the bare skin of my arm. They’d taken off my shirt, and while my bra covered my breasts, I felt dangerously vulnerable. Lexa took a steadying breath, and cut my arm.

I won’t scream, I won’t scream, I won’t scream…

The pain was there, but it was still bearable. I looked her straight in the eyes while she cut me, refusing to show any sign of weakness. But my body still shook, and I knew this was just the first wound of many. The crowd was already forming a line.

Bellamy was yelling, somewhere to my right, and my father seemed to be talking urgently to someone. I had hoped that they would stay in the room below, that they wouldn’t have to witness it. I needed them to focus on finding out who had really poisoned Gustus.

Lexa stepped back, and Indra practically ran to take her place.

‘Do your worst,’ I smiled harshly.

She snarled, and cut me deep with her dagger, across the expanse of my stomach. This time, I could not hold back a gasp of pain. But still, I did not scream. Indra seemed disappointed, and remained for a few seconds, as if she wanted to cut me a second time. She probably did. There was murder in her eyes. But eventually, she stepped away.

Gustus was next. And I shivered at the satisfaction on his face as he cut on the outside of my thigh, right above my old wound. I bit my tongue hard enough to draw blood, but stayed blissfully silent.

Again and again, they came. Men and women, old and young, all bearing arms. I was sweating profusely, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe, to push past the agonizing pain and hold on to the hope that my friends would stop this torture. But still, I did not regret taking Raven’s place.

I chose this, I kept reminding myself. It was the right thing to do.

I hoped that, wherever my mother was, she was watching me proudly. I felt closer to her than I had in years. And I focused on my memories of her, as the next villager stepped forward.

‘Stop!’ I suddenly heard Clarke shout.

The crowd shifted restlessly on their feet, but Lexa ordered them to let Clarke pass. I watched as she came forward, followed by Bellamy, who stared at me with an ocean of pain in his dark eyes.

‘One of your own people tried to kill you, Lexa, not one of mine.’

‘Y/N confessed to the crime,’ Lexa said.

‘She lied, and you know it.’ Bellamy snapped.

‘I can prove it,’ Clarke said firmly.

I saw Nyko approach, and hand Clarke the poisoned bottle of moonshine. I mumbled a protest as she opened it and drank generously. We all waited in tense silence, waiting for her to double over as the poison took effect. But nothing. Clarke stood, healthy as can be.

‘Explain,’ Lexa demanded.

‘The poison wasn’t in the bottle,’ Clarke said. ‘It was in the cup.’

Gustus leaned forward, saying something to Lexa in Trigedasleng. I saw Bellamy frown, and stare at Gustus suspiciously.

‘It was you,’ he said. ‘You tested the cup, you searched Raven.’

‘Gustus would never harm me,’ Lexa snapped.

‘You weren’t the target,’ Bellamy said. ‘The alliance was.’

‘We didn’t do this, and you know it,’ Clarke added.

Lexa turned to Gustus, and asked him what I was sure were explanations. He sighed, and looked at her with a deep, old sadness.

‘This alliance would cost you your life, Heda. I could not let that happen.’

‘This treachery will cost you yours,’ Lexa said, obviously shaken.

She gave an order to the crowd, and Gustus was seized by two Grounders. A third one cut the leather straps holding me to the post. Bellamy, Abby and my father were running for me, but it was Raven who reached me first. She held me tight against her, and I winced as every cut on my body flared with pain. But I didn’t push her away. It might have been the blood loss, but I felt a strange urge to laugh. That urge disappeared quickly, though. Right as I tried to take a step, and the cut on my thigh throbbed.

‘Ouch.’

Bellamy put his arm around my waist, and my father took my other side. Both looked angry. But while my father’s anger seemed directed toward Gustus…Bellamy’s was meant for me.

‘You’re a goddamn idiot,’ he said darkly.

‘Nah,’ my father said with a strange smile. ‘She’s just her mother’s daughter. And, God help me, but I am proud of you, kiddo.’

Bellamy threw a disgusted look at my father, but I was grinning. They sat me down on a log, and Abby fussed over each and everyone of my wounds. Out of the eleven cuts I’d received, only three needed stitches, and neither needed a lot. The one on my thigh, that Gustus had inflicted, was the worst by far.

Abby had her medical supplies with her, and she worked quickly. I had a feeling we all wanted to leave the village as fast as possible. But first, we had to witness Gustus’ execution.

‘Go,’ I told the others. ‘I don’t want to see it.’

My father dropped a beige blanket around my shoulders, and pressed a kiss on my brow. Then, he, Bellamy and Abby joined the others among the crowd. With them all pressed together, I couldn’t see a thing, which was fine by me. I’d seen enough blood for one day.

After a few minutes, I saw an old woman approach me. She was surprisingly tall, but frail and skinny. An intricate tattoo of black and blue whorls adorned the left side of her face. I recognized her. She’d been here, the day of the massacre. One of the people Finn, Murphy and I had locked up in the pen.

The woman didn’t seem angry, and she wasn’t armed. She carried a bowl, inside of which was a strange green substance that smelled faintly like mint.

‘Do you know who I am?’ she asked.

‘I know your face,’ I answered. ‘You were…you were there that day.’

‘Yes. So was my son. He is dead now.’

I sucked in a breath. God. It was different, seeing the bodies, and being faced with their loved ones. I struggled to answer. Somehow, I knew apologizing wasn’t a good idea.

‘What was his name?’ I asked instead.

‘Teggo,’ she answered. ‘He was a strong lad, with quite the temper. But he was mine.’

I hung my head, shame making my cheeks burn red. I saw the bodies in my mind, and I couldn’t help wondering which one the woman’s son had been.

‘I was angry,’ the woman continued ruthlessly. ‘More than I’ve ever been in eighty-four years. I wanted to tear out the hearts of every single sky person in this land.’

Distantly, I remembered that, among the Grounders, only warriors could speak english. And I had no doubt that this woman could still kill me without hesitating, if she wanted to. But for some peculiar reason, I was not afraid.

‘What changed?’ I asked.

‘My anger was misplaced,’ she said with a shrug. ‘I was glad when the boy, Finn, burned. It was justice. But you…seeing you on that post didn’t feel right. I remember that you tried to stop him. You didn’t kill my boy. Neither did your people.’

I inhaled sharply, tears brimming on the corner of my eyes.

‘Let go of the guilt, child,’ the woman said. ‘I have.’

A lone tear slid down my cheek as I exhaled shakily. I looked at her eyes, who seemed older than the world itself. And I nodded. She patted my hand, a satisfied smile on her lips. I felt lighter than I had in weeks, my mind clearer.

‘Now,’ she continued. ‘Nyko is not the only healer in Tondc. I am known for my remedies, and I have brought a salve for your wounds. It will ward off infection, and help you heal faster. Here.’

She handed me the bowl, and I thanked her profusely. She patted my hand once more, and stood back up. Then, she walked away. I kept staring at her retreating figure for some time, until my attention was caught by Raven, sitting down next to me.

‘I shouldn’t have said those things to you,’ she whispered, as if afraid someone might hear her. ‘The massacre…it wasn’t your fault. I was lashing out.’

‘I know,’ I smiled. ‘I said some things I regret too.’

She squeezed my hand tightly.

‘I missed having you by my side, Y/N. And now that F-Finn’s gone, I can’t bear to lose anyone else.’

My heart breaking a little, I pulled her against me and leaned my forehead against me.

‘You never lost me, Reyes. Got that?’

She nodded tearfully, and put her head on my shoulder. And, as we waited together for Gustus to die, I realized that I didn’t feel guilty any longer. I had the forgiveness of the two people I’d hurt the most: the old woman, and Raven. Now, I could forgive myself.

 

Night had fallen on the village of Tondc. Raven was working on the radio, and Clarke stood to the side, talking quietly with Lexa. The rest of our group was resting around a fire.

I couldn’t relax. I wished we’d packed our bags, and camped on the road. Not in this place, where I could still smell burnt flesh, and rivers of blood. But it would have been unrespectful to refuse the hospitality, however reluctant, of the people of Tondc.

‘How did you know it was Gustus?’ Lincoln was asking Bellamy.

‘He’d do anything for her,’ Bellamy answered with a sad smile. ‘To protect her. Just makes sense.’

‘Look at the thanks he got,’ Octavia said.

I rubbed the wound on my thigh, sighing. Somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to hate Gustus. Despite the wrongness of his actions…all he’d wanted was to keep Lexa safe.

I was pulled away from my thoughts by Raven calling our names urgently. She limped over, carrying the radio. Clarke joined us as we all stood up.

‘What is it?’ Bellamy asked.

‘Listen to this.’

I gasped. Jasper’s voice was coming from the radio, as clear as day.

‘This is Jasper Jordan,’ he was saying. ‘We need help. 47 of us are trapped inside Mount Weather.’

‘Talk to him, say something!’ Clarke gasped.

‘It’s repeating,’ Raven shook her head. ‘My god, they’re alive!’

Raven took my hand, squeezing it tightly. But our relief was short-lived.

‘We need to do this now,’ Bellamy said firmly. ‘You’ve got the alliance, now is the time to use it.’

‘First, we need an inside man,’ Clarke answered, before looking at Bellamy. ‘You were right. Without someone on the inside to lower their defenses, turn off the acid fog, an army is useless. You should go.’

My heart stopped, and my blood turned to ice in my veins, as suddenly as if I’d flipped a switch.

‘What?’ I said, but I was ignored.

‘I thought you hated that plan,’ Bellamy told Clarke. ‘That I would get myself killed.’

‘I was being weak,’ Clarke answered, her face blank of any emotion. ‘It’s worth the risk.’

Like hell it is, I thought.

She handed him her map of Mount Weather, and told him to find a way to get on the radio, and communicate with us. She then wished him luck, and turned on her feet, going back to Lexa. Just like that. As if she wasn’t sending Bellamy to his death.

I was furious, incapable of speech as Lincoln offered to lead Bellamy through the tunnels.

‘Let me show you what to look for,’ Raven said.

‘No,’ I snapped.

Bellamy turned to me, and I immediately ripped the map off his hands. I wanted to tear it to shreds, but I managed to control myself.

‘Y/N-’ Bellamy began.

‘I said no. This is a suicide mission. We’ll find another way.’

Out the corner of my eye, I saw the others slip away, until only Bellamy and I stood next to the fire. I barely noticed. I was staring at the flames, shaking with tension.

‘I have to do this,’ Bellamy said softly. His hand was hovering near my arm, as if unsure whether or not he could touch me.

‘Find someone else,’ I argued, painfully aware that I sounded like a toddler having a tantrum. ‘Hell, I’ll go.’

‘You can’t. You’re hurt, and the people back at camp need you to hunt. Come on, Sunshine.’

I closed my eyes, my heart thudding in my chest like a hammer planting nails in my ribs.

‘Don’t call me that,’ I whispered. ‘Not after…don’t call me that.’

Memories of our night together flashed before my eyes. Golden skin under my nails, dark hair between my fingers, teeth clashing against my own. How could something so good turn to something so painful?

‘I’m sorry,’ Bellamy whispered.

‘What for?’ I asked, my voice breaking. ‘Sleeping with me or making me feel like an idiot?’

‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’

I laughed, the sound colder than ice.

‘But you did. Christ, Bellamy. I was…I was baring my soul to you. And I know that’s corny as hell, but it’s true. You saw everything that night, and you accepted it all, and God, it was wonderful. But you left. You threw everything I felt in my face, like it was garbage. Do you know how that felt? Next time, try stabbing me, it’ll be less painful.’

Bellamy’s eyes were closed, his breathed ragged. I tried to turn away, but his hand shot up, grabbing my wrist tightly.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I panicked.’

I scoffed.

‘You panicked? What kind of an excuse is that?’

‘It’s not an excuse. But you…you gotta understand. You were a mess, Y/N, and so was I. We didn’t think. And it was wrong. You know that.’

I hung my head. He was right. I’d known it from the very moment I’d first kissed him, that it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It wasn’t love, it was a reflex born from fear. Having sex with Bellamy, while wonderful, hadn’t been right.

‘The next day,’ Bellamy continued, ‘I woke up and you were sleeping in my arms. And Christ, Y/N, you looked beautiful. Soft and vulnerable, like I’d never seen you before. But I- I couldn’t help but think that you didn’t really want me. That you needed someone, and I was just there at the right time. I felt used.’

‘Bell, no-’

‘I panicked. I thought, I’ve got to protect myself before I get hurt. So I pushed you away because I knew you were just looking for a distraction, and I wanted more.’

I couldn’t breathe. It felt too good to be true.

‘You wanted more?’ I repeated, my eyes widening.

‘Are you kidding? Of course I did. Y/N, I’ve been pining after you for weeks.’

I shook my head, relief and joy making me dizzy. Bellamy frowned.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Blake, you are one goddamn idiot. Do you realize for how long I’ve wanted to hear that? And you thought I wanted a distraction? Jesus, Bellamy. You think you’ve been pining? I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since the day we landed!’

Bellamy’s eyes were half-scared, as hopeful. His hand shook around my wrist.

‘You’re serious? You’re not shitting me?’

I laughed, and looped my arms around his neck. Then, to prove I was saying the truth (and because I really, really wanted to), I pressed a soft kiss against his lips. Bellamy made a broken sound in the back of his throat, and his arms closed around my back.

‘About time!’ Octavia yelled from the other side of camp. ‘I thought I was gonna have to handcuff you two together!’

Bellamy chuckled, his forehead against mine.

‘I hate her,’ he said.

‘Liar.’

‘Yeah. I guess she’s alright.’

He looked at me, leaning back a little. His eyes had gone serious once again, and I sighed.

‘I still have to go to Mount Weather,’ he said. ‘This doesn’t change anything.’

‘I know you have to go,’ I answered, and those might have been the hardest words I’d ever said. ‘But you’re wrong. It does change something.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Bellamy grinned, recognizing the playfulness in my tone. ‘What’s that?’

‘Now,’ I grinned, biting the lobe of his ear and whispering into it, ‘you have one hell of a reason to come back.’

**Author's Note:**

> More on my tumblr: https://kalliria.tumblr.com/


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